Category: Uncategorized (Page 2 of 30)

KH in room with assistants

Has everyone got their hem up right? I mean pulls out tape measure oh I am not sure that will do. I am sure he will want it up another ten millimetres. Gosh Scout, yes, not at all what we need. Another ten mm for you. 

rushs around 

Hil, are you showing too much flesh? I hope you are not trying to be funny, Hil. Here at democracy central we are Serious and Together Involved in Important Pursuits and down time will not be accepted unless of course it involves a new battleship or two. But you know, cavorting on the world stage is Just Not Done.

golden head around corner

Oh Dex! Fancy you being here. I was just wording up the gels on your fascinating views on how we should behave. We’ve just been beside ourselves waiting for your grand entrance and now that you are here quick girls, have you got the tribute? Bows low at his feet sweet Buddhist utterings blah blah blah of a Buddhist kind, but as you know, religion is bad unless you are in Tibet. Or Western China, isn’t that right Dex? Although we do only like people that are scientific. So that is strange. And Biden is a Catholic. I’m confused, are you confused girls? Very confusing Dex. Science is very interesting. Just like you.

Well I’m not sure

Oh sit down Dex! Are you weary from all those real estate investment pursuits? Bruise a finger with the share allocations? Quick Hill, bring some ice. Dex is going to regale us with his Favourite Female Australian Prime Minister before letting us in on a few movements around the joint. Bring me a bowl so I can wipe his lovely little forehead and catch the drippings before I give it to the dogs. They’ll think it is a heavenly anointment from their leader who has organised the Whole World with such precision. Quick Hil no time to waste!!!! I mean, big things are going on Dex, aren’t there, and who better to lead it than you?

smiles at him, while saturating him with water

Oh Dex! I hope you don’t feel uncomfortable. Remember, it is just a little water! That’s what they keep telling me. So loving, don’t you think? A real participatory democracy, that’s us! Everyone gets to bag one person out! Full of real compassion and leadership. Gosh Dex, did you think of it? Because you think of everything and you are so clever.

I’m not sure what I could have done to deserve such 

Oh darling, don’t speak. I don’t want you to get the idea that we want you to contribute to society via a meaningful exchange. I want you to exist as a symbol! As a leading light! Forget human touch though. And well, love, yes that too. That’s for us Dex. You have to be alone! You have been chosen! To be alone. Not sure what for but anyway, that’s how humans operate. Oh and if you know, you want a little quickie, we’ll do you while you sleep. It’s the way forward! Isn’t that what the Scots say Hil? And they also know everything. Apparently. You just lie back there and let me handle everything. We love you! We just can’t touch you, a bit like the lepers of India. Maybe you’ve introduced a caste system here. One never can tell.

Do I get to

No darling, no. I know everything you think and do which is marvellous, because I then get to put you in invidious positions that humiliate you and when you get upset, accuse you of weakness. You’ll love this, do you think Amnesty has this is in one of their brochures for 3rd World Travel? Because I think we do something glossy, and then discuss the South China Sea imbroglio. Do they have that in the military commando shots coming out of QLD because I guess you could actually open a can of worms on this and then wait oh no Dex, bad timing. Really bad timing. Probably not a good idea. We wouldn’t want that. wipes sweat from brow. Darling you have been preserved so well. How did you do it? I was thinking, what about a little granite carving in Lane Cove? Sort of like a Grotto. What about Balmoral? Too waspy for you. You are all edge and dangerous precision. Let’s see. sighs. Lithgow? I’ve got it. How about we do a twin rock formation jutting out from Jervis Bay! Oh Dex. That might upset my Captain and I know you don’t like idle gossip. Or girls who cavort on pontoons. Might embarrass you! Satire can be soooooo unseemly, don’t you think? Oh Dex, that would never do. 

I just thought

No! I have the policy here, ready just for you. Lead is my middle name, and lead I will, just for you! If you are going to lead, you have no time for idle pursuits like satire! Good god no! Just good old fashioned behaviour according to what Dex sees as appropriate, and darling here I am to fulfil your every wish and desire. whispers Quick question Dex, you might actually have to tell me something or god forbid, talk to me about you know, the thing, because I’m not that good at charades and years of university didn’t train me for obtuse directions about something so significant. You catch my drift Dex? Gosh you look lovely. A real delight. I mean Hil, look at this man! Together, we’re going to take on the world. Me behind, and he out in front, parting the Red Sea. Or Blue Green Water Navy. Whatever. sighs.

A real team. 

KH in bureau on phone

No. No. I don’t know. Has Putin put the peace plan together? Who will withdraw where? Oh yeah, who says? We’ll see. When were the last NATO exercises? Oh darling I have to go, in has walked my adorable fiancee, looking glorious as per usual. No he doesn’t have to ever speak. I do that for him. Okay, okay gotta run honey, love you. 

Dahhhhling, how was tennis? Did you work up a manly sweat? I mean not a SEA EAGLES one of course, but a real one.

Looks suitably golden and offers a cheek wordlessly

Doesn’t he look glorious Hil? I mean here is a real man. Committed to the people. Just your average wholesome rural man doing great things without the pomp and circumstance of others, Hil am I right or am I right? I mean a DORIC column just ready for greatness. With a little help of course. That’s me. laughs

Darling are we any closer to finding out what is happening in the North? I was just talking to the Chinese and you know they’ve been in Syria and well despite the telecommunications dealio, I guess the question is 

looks at her wordlessly during this, as if observing a phenomenon he hasn’t quite mastered

A figure glides by in the hall, stops, smiles, and pokes his head in 

Interrupting anything important?

Ergh. Quick. Everyone hide. The Grim Reaper has decided to join us. Obviously got lost on his way to Mass. What’s up Dex? Didn’t find anyone to eat this morning? 

Funny. No it just looked fun in here. grins

Oh we’re all busy with lockdown. You know, following the vaccines and everything. Chinese throw some here, we throw some there. I thought maybe via contract tracing we’d be able to avoid each other. Lucky me. 

Aren’t you in Myanmar, Woman of the Year?

Has anyone got a dart? I’ve found a human board but maybe it wouldn’t penetrate. It would require the softness and compassion of dahhling George here. It would bounce off you. All flinty steel.

Red, maybe you could borrow some.

I’ll be sure to hit up the Chinese or the Australians and Brazilians who sold it to the Chinese…. oh I forget the lines get very fuzzy in the WTO who did what to who. Tell me Dex. Are we all on a social contract because I know how fond you are of those things. How to behave. Marks at school. Vaccines. Are you exporting that to Cuba? Is that one of your democracy projects? 

Looks bemused.

I don’t know what you are talking about. But there are things happening in this big wide world.

Oh I thought you wanted me to be McNamara. To sit wordlessly at your feet, espousing greatness while I attempt to speak to the people that matter. Thats the small people Dex and the rich people. And the important ones. But funnily enough, I’ve had some problems. Care to spill your guts or is that what you want me to do while I pore over some map lines?

Just poring over them would be good.

And that assists the great unwashed how Dex? Just a quick question. I don’t want to worry you as you keep anyone who really needs to know something from knowing something. Like, you know how surveillance is bad in China but not here? Like sort of that. 

If you support the nation state and you do seem to like the military these days god knows

Oh don’t pretend. That faux ‘I am distant from them, my morals preclude me from acknowledging what we know to be true.’ Dex, I knew you were capable of leaping great heights, but really. George have you ever seen anything so morally dextrous? He puts the Dex in that. Utopia but with shades of undocumented activity. 

George looks on wordlessly.

Well, it looks like you have better things to do than be the people’s eyes and ears. I mean, what would it matter? What is it that you do again? I can never remember.

Hil, have you got any knives nearby I want to see if my aim is still in. George, get the wedding invites printed today. I’m ready for a real relationship. Ship being the word of the day.

George, just remember. When you saddle a horse, make sure you look into their eyes. Five eyes here might take you for a ride you’d prefer to forget. 

Ignore him. He was just looking for his personality so he could rent it out to a few thousand democracy projects that he wants me to helm. The door is right there, Dex.

phone rings

Dex.

Hilda passes phone

Oh, its Rupert.

Hello darling. 

No, I’m in the nosebleed section. Not for long.

Well for reasons Dex wouldn’t understand. It would require human understanding. Beauty. Strength. 

How long?

No problem. I can get there in two weeks. Probably best I go in after. Wander around with EWOK.

Ok. 

OK.

Over and out chief. Let you know how I go.

Dex looks on

For someone so committed to independence, you sure love people in power, Red.

I was thinking of having a base named after me. Hanging out with VIP’s. How are you on that score Dex?Because contact tracing would have me on my own and you…..that’s right. Where?

Looks like I have time for work. Anyone else or will we just invest the cash?

thunderous look

Dex, goodbye. Make sure you eat so the Christians survive. 

Well Elsa, let’s see how we both go. I wouldn’t want you to forget the suffering of Yemen. From the comfort of that screen.

Which designer house do you live in? I want to make sure I find out just so I can see whether you have cameras for Muslims in occupied territories. Or is that not something you’re into these days?

Bye Else. Always a pleasure. Bye George, hang tight. Keep the reins loose. She can get mouthy. 

thunders OUT DEX! Now!

smiles

starts singing from Kylie Minogue King Or Queen

You stand around the edge

Looking tip top, but you forget

That when I look at you

Baby, I see so much more

You could do

She stands with hands on hips

Really George, he is insufferable. 

He looks on wordlessly, little collie look, head askance.

Yes, he sure is interesting. 

And here we are

got my snorkle

my thermal beanie 

flippers 

got my scottish flag

BRANGUS I MISS YOU

Just something subtle during these important times 

my thermos 

my sat phone isn’t water proof

Let me see

touches buttons 

I put contact on it but something isn’t right

hello hello hello are you the Americans 

oh he sounds japanese to me 

konichi wah rainbow roll without the mayo

what he is sayin’ 

somethin’ about those bloody exercises 

one more maritime exercise and I’ll pull a muscle 

can you tell AUSTAL I want the trickle down money

that’s right 

just put it in the front compartment, next to the lifejacket

it’s fluro pink

Marise will pick it up in a brown paper bag

She’ll be incognito

Wearing rhinestone and purple glasses that Barry gave her

Not Kosky the other one 

Oh der

COVID 

oh that’s just a way of avoiding the relatives 

Shit he is coming through

BRANGUS? BRANGUS?

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU THE DOLPHINS ARE SINGING

Winston Surfshirt, you don’t know them 

WHERE?

Oh I don’t know I can only hear a chopper engine 

Darling what colour do you want the kitchen? 

I told you it is camouflage. I had my energy done and I am an echidna spirit. They’ll never know. 

I don’t think slate grey will do for me I am afraid. 

What does SCOMO think? 

The three bears? 

Um I think it means they are really hot and can defend the empire

Oh look, some hot chicks too. Can they be Goldilocks? 

I can’t spell moral. I’m dyslexic. 

Everything I learnt, I learnt from some very important people so I am sorry, I can’t complain really. 

But darling, if the tents are going AWOL in Afghanistan, where will we put the pools? 

Can you have pools in FIJI?

Why not? We’d love a rugby match, we can watch it on the big screen.

Oh. we’ve been working. We’ve decided to run a Russell Dairy Times day every year. Well we sit around the rocks in our flippers and read the defence white paper. Every time you hear the word ‘capability’ ‘strategic’ ‘rules based order’ ‘threats’ ‘maritime theatre’ and a few other hundred inspiring choice terms, you gotta scull Oban! You’d love it Brangus. I can’t wait for you to join us.

No it is really hard. You have to pick the final figure for the French sub outlay. To the coin! No-one is gunna get it. Oh you’ll love it. 

Um yeah I saw. Looked like a firecracker night round a winter bonfire but whatever wets your tent.

Bruce? Oh he’s being Bruce. I’m working on stealth capability. You know how subtle I am. All periscope and burnished steel.

Oh darling I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to make you more resilient. I just don’t want you to be less than you are. You in all that khaki glory. With a flourish of red for effect.

sighs 

Who could resist it? I’d burst a pipe just looking at you but I know how well you’ve laid them. 

I heard the locals still have a dodgy line. That doesn’t sound like you my love. I’ll be over in a jiffy to drink love potions with the locals. We’ll fix it in no time.

Ways and means Kel, ways and means. 

Listen, what about a board game? Hydrogen hubs crossed with gas pipelines crossed with energy basins, a little windfarm and you gotta find your way out with your clothes still on.

Oh darling laughs you are such a prude. We need to reconnect I don’t want Canbra to take away that tantric je ne sais quoi. Come here. You’ll be up in a jiffy.