Why hello my hardworking illuminator of the struggles of the poor. What are those tedious phrases you like to use? Ducks in a row, soldiers – what is that again? 


You mean words that humans 


Ah, humans that believe in having access to one’s memory and mind, remember. Let’s not use the word ‘human’ lightly. That would presume ethics and morality. I’m not sure we can make a run on that just yet. Anyway as luck would have it


As luck would have it 


I was fishing around the Lombardy region yesterday. 


Not physically of course


No, of course. That would violate these stringent new governmental laws that stop us fishing around doing our job that journalists seem to think just marvellous, so marvellous in fact I think I might create a new banner for the Washington Post. ‘Democracy Dies in Darkness’. Ha, wouldn’t that be grand?  


Just grand 


No, I mean cyber-fishing, not like Vietnam and China of course. 


Of course. 


Yes, not like that. Now the Russians went in with tanks in Bergamo. Tanks, can you believe it? 


Yes, tanks. 


Well I was just wondering. Tanks. From Russia. In Bergamo. Now what could be in Bergamo? In those tanks. 




Oh yes, silly. Of course, the pandemic that has everyone racing to set up beds and medical facilities and vaccine research and something about saving lives although let us not forget there are a few people dying of HIV in Africa but let’s be frank. White lives matter a bit more. Except when we need territory anyway oh why again is this a pandemic and HIV isn’t? 


This is cross border and the speed at which 

Oh yes, of course. The speed. Anyway, can you believe that the Chinese were in Italy just prior to the break out in fact just at the beginning and now, well it seems the Russians and trucks are needed. Yes, the Chinese were there just prior. Matteo didn’t want to meet them of course. 


Hedging bets. 


Yes, hedging bets. 


Now did you know that Chicago and Louisiana and North Tasmania and the strangest of places seem to be hit by this damn crisis. 


This damn crisis. 


And a Ruby Princess in Illawarra. 


A Ruby Princess. 


Well I never. Ruby, of course. Always, ruby. 


I never did. 


So…. you know the strong government and all and Rubio and stuff. 


No. I don’t. 


I mean, quick question, if let’s say you were trying to formulate some sort of nationalist agenda, isn’t it a bit strange that China and Russia would be in Europe? I mean, the assistance has been cross border. Cross country really. 


Yes. Cross country. 


Yes, so it will prove very difficult to run some sort of nationalist agenda later, no? 


Where are we heading with this? 


Oh, nowhere. I was just posing questions. You know, a light in the darkness and all that. Bridge Over Troubled Gin as it were. 


Water is what people need. What have you got for me Mary of Hallowed Ground? A sprinkler from Bunnings? 


Oh no, I delivered on that. There’s water everywhere. No, I just wanted to be sure that before people start using hackneyed terms and using plot lines from the past, that we established that clear lines that prove once again your logic is completely shot to pieces. 


Shot to pieces. 


Yes. And you know, that you can’t actually do what you want to do. 


What do we want to do? 


Oh, I don’t know. Ducks and things. I mean, you can’t. 


We can’t. 


Well, no. 


Hmm. How about you go out and explain clearly to the populace what it is that you think we want to do and I’ll tell you whether we want to do it? 


You’re not having a bloody recession to start with!


We’re not? 


You’re not. You’re just doing it because that is what happened in the past. You’re doing it because you don’t have the imagination to do something else. You are talking it up so people behave like robots!


I see. 


You think that is the only way you can get people to give service to the State, so you create this ridiculous situation whereby I see young people talking like robots. They actually believe this rubbish. 


Maybe they believe in working for something 


They don’t know what they believe! They are too young to know what to believe!  What are they going to believe? That countries should be shut down 


You’ve run away with this without asking the questions. We may not even be headed 


They believe in cyber bullying, they believe that might makes right, they believe 


According to who 


Who has defended me against your bullying? You have totally given up the mantle of defending the oppressed 


Oh bullshit, just because we are 


Don’t come near me with that ‘democracy dies in darkness’ bullshit. I’m about to take one of those phones you all spy with and smash it 


Oh, now we’re finding spying a problem, that is a surprise, considering Ms Gin, 


Don’t do it. 


Do what? 


Whatever it is that you’re not telling us. 


Why don’t you find out what that is and we can have this discussion again? 


You’re going the wrong way. 


Until the facts are clear, we can’t debate it. 


And at the moment you have the radio full of stupid propaganda 


Ease up. Not all programming is COVID. 


Incredible. In the eighties we have Benetton ads. Now we have puppets discussing military civilian responses to crisis. 


Get out and do the work. 


I’ll impose legislation before you can change it. 


Go on. 


I will. Just you wait! 


Go on Ali! We’re right behind you. Kick that door down with your Zen chutzpah!


The only thing you are able to do is post dickhead Instagram posts about how great you are at a task people having been doing for a Millennium. Baking a damn cake! Get out of my way before I set up a legal tribunal detailing 


Oh sure, go right ahead Rita! Prove we’re wrong! It is the patriarchy, no doubt 


I’ll give them a turntablist lesson in Hip Hop advocacy! Vossi Bop. The only Vossi Bop has been a bunch of idiots using their platform to ignore massive issues that they are incapable of addressing. That is, not able. As in, not re, not new, not able! 


Go get ‘em tiger! You got us on the hook!


They didn’t and haven’t said shit about water in their own damn country! 


You’re so right! 


Oh shut up.  




Storms out


Shakes his head. Sighs. Serious for a moment.