Remember, when your credibility is in doubt, love fest the hell up.
The French President has been seen making out with a few world leaders of late.
Donnie ‘Darko’ Trump was the first and now it would seem Malcolm Turnbull is the recipient of the love-fest from the nuclear-Russian-loving President.
Liberty waving Chief Pom Pom Macron apparently also thinks that the Pacific needs a Serge Gainsbourg running the joint.
Because the locals need another world leader appointing themselves world police.
And not just because they like to NUKE IT UP BABY.
I’ve never seen a French design house base a collection on a fallout.
Selective world history.
Oh yeah, sorry. Rules based order and all that.
So the dude who allegedly covets wrinkly flesh munch (and enjoys frieze like activities with my favourite Eurotrash US Princess Melania) is on a crusade to save the world my friends.
Or not.
It would seem the defence industry is really at the heart of the Gaelic threesome with Australia now proudly displaying its military export skill like a mutilated Syrian at a Saudi banquet.
And wasn’t the recent US PR trip a resounding success.
Christopher Pyne and co went to some terribly dodgy meetings with AV from some pre-70’s Function Crowd but clearly that’s what works in DC.
Marisa and Chrissy and Malcolm are beside themselves with trashy AH-MERI-CAN grandeur that is sort of catching with the deals of the new arms export market.
So, given that the Iran deal is on the table how much of this is about the Iran/Russia/China thing?
Especially in the Pacific?
Well Australia is in Vanuatu for ‘disaster’ relief.
Ed: I need disaster relief. Vanuatu can go fly a paper umbrella up its Pina Colada.
However, we all know what that means.
It means, TOP SECRET KAHUNA.
Signal trumpets
Hello I am from the Australian disaster relief operation and have we got a deal for you!
Oh but China already offered us one.
Those loaded bastards are not coming into our sphere of influence! We’re the bosses here
Well technically
I mean, command order and all that. The PSD of the DCO of the STRACOM FOR PACDOT that’s the way we do it! We have satellites.
They offered us money.
They can’t do that!
Why not?
It’s our arc not your arc!
Arc of what?
An arc! We’re powerful! And competent! We’ve have big boats!
Turns to friend
What is this dickhead saying?
He’s saying that independence is a metaphysical concept
So they freed us and now they want it back?
Not exactly.
Listen! Listen! We are not here to colonise you dear friend! We are Australian! Me and my American brothers simply want to save you from the yellow horde!
How do you know they have weapons?
They lasered us in Djibouti!
Do you have lasers?
We can’t answer that, that is TOP SECRET. We use them responsibly.
This bastard thinks we’re stupid
I know. So, what do we get if we listen to you guys?
More money!
But that’s what the Chinese offered us!
Yes, but our money is better. We want to clean up the oceans.
Must be the submarines
No the cables
Ah, how are you going to keep our fish safe? You might just let one go accidentally.
We’ll bring in independent experts to oversee the whole thing.
A bunch of spies and stupid kids are on their way
Shit. Do I have to marry one?
Not sure
We are worried about natural disasters. A relief operation can help if the hand of god strikes.
Points to the mountain top
Look at each other. Fuck.
Do we have a say?
Not really. We have bigger boats than you. And we’re the winners. We’re also rich. So there.
When do we get to eat these guys again? I’m hungry.