{"id":4612,"date":"2021-10-05T09:29:17","date_gmt":"2021-10-05T09:29:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/?p=4612"},"modified":"2021-11-09T01:43:03","modified_gmt":"2021-11-09T01:43:03","slug":"sleeklupinecheetah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/sleeklupinecheetah\/","title":{"rendered":"SleekLupine"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hilde, can you send a letter to The Emperor? He\u2019s not happy at the moment\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Papa, oh too patronising. Cloying even. Um\u2026 Dear Your Lordship, it has come to my attention that you are not happy with the recent subs decision.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>It might be a bit late to play that card but I do understand. Rachel Carson has a little on her plate at the moment but if you can wait I am sure we can attack some small matters like what happened to Eleanor, why Albo is leader and that dickhead ephemera called a voice to parliament. What did I miss? Sounds like washing up detergent. Don\u2019t be mad. The wanton bagpipe yodel cast a spell. I think. Love Ag.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Slides a letter onto a silver platter\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Post haste.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She paces the room\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hilde returns\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What did he say?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019d rather not repeat it.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh shit.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rips open letter\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018Fuck off. \u2018 <\/span>Oh. Seriously. He really is mad. I hate it when he gets like this. He is verbally obtuse.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Is that what you call it?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Send this. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thrusts another letter into her hands<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What does it say?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018I think that is very unkind. You are an overgrown Asiatic hog that needs to remember I have never been to a Chinese banquet.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What does that mean?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am not sure but it sounds impressive. He is very difficult. Go.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hilde returns. She rips open letter.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018Princess, let me know when you might feel it necessary to fight for the issues you opine on so easily. I\u2019ll be here with a little texta to show you the causal link between footwork and policy. You are not shy. Get going bugalugs. At this rate the only thing we\u2019ll be filming is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. As I said, take a leap into asinine mediocrity. You belong there.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So loving. Really. He loves to rail me the bastard. There is no degree of separation. You could almost swear we shared bog Irish lots.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hilde, quickly send this back.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018Listen, Emperor, I don\u2019t have time to hear you slag me off, what is the next legislative necessity we need to chat. Unless you\u2019d prefer to watch people take coal from the ground and then 20 years later complain. What happened? Miss two decades? That\u2019s unlike you Edward Scissorhands. Drop the proclamation of innocence. Any pictures of you feasting near the povo\u2019s in China? Mention Ang at all? Love Ag.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Quick.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hilde returns.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Do you two think it might be quicker just to pick up a telephone? FaceTime? We have that now.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No. I don\u2019t want him anything less than glorious. Don\u2019t ask me to explain.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rips open letter\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018I do not have time to detail my exhaustive travels through Asia and meeting with a range of people from all walks of life.\u2019 <\/span>Groans<\/i>.<\/span> He sounds like a readers digest article. \u2018If you care to find out please do anything anything at this stage to advance a sophisticated agenda beyond a hackneyed white Australia policy that sees you pawing at Jervis Bay like it constitutes a country or your latest rent boy conquest.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Seriously Hilde, I should have moved down South years ago. If I\u2019d known it would produce this reaction. He clearly has never been on a JetSki.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018As for Ang, and the issue of Tibet, there are ways of going about things that produce results long term for the benefit of the whole region.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh he has taken a liking for red tape. Bull and shit Hilde. Really. He the creative maestro. I see how the creative nation was born! Right here! In this letter!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blah blah blah \u2018and it would seem to me you have not given\u00a0 <\/span>enough thought to the ramifications of a dated foreign policy predicated on an old Western footprint. Perhaps you\u2019d like a Pimms at Raffles.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well. He\u2019s in a good mood. I\u2019ll read it if I can\u2019t get to sleep tonight.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Send this Hilde,<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Seen a map lately? Got any idea how it will work? What is your view on Hong Kong? Know what your glorious besties are saying in ASEAN or should I bug the joint? How do you propose you deal with the reality that has people doing exercises in every sea known to man? What about freedoms in Laos? Any inside information or should I bless your ring to find the hell out? We all have jobs to do. Thanks for the tips. It is a little more complicated than that. As you know. Speaking of swathes of barely concealed chiffon. I need facts.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Go.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019ll call the child Inver. Writes her name in imaginary script<\/span><\/em>. Or OBAN.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hilde returns\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Rips open letter<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You don\u2019t seriously believe that <\/i>bullshit do you?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well that was brief. Brevity is not lost on me Hil. There is merit to it. Especially with the exotic flourish of Australian.. whatever… anyway send this.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2018You have us locked up and you want her free. Please explain. Also, please feel free to detail Malaysia and Brunei\u2019s position. It intrigues me. What do you want us to do with the energy claims and why didn\u2019t you organise a tribunal to solve all of this for us? I need details. ps: rent boy! You couldn\u2019t win a rigged dog paddle flag race in a triangular hot tub with wing keeled floaties.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now. Oh Hilde please?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sighs.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Phone rings. His lordship.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wing keeled floaties!!! I\u2019ll have you know that once upon a time when I was prowling Bankstown like a lupine slick cheetah<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Snoring noise<\/i><\/span> oh do go on, howls like a dog\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am under no obligation to tell you anything that\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I don\u2019t have to tell you anything. Who dobbed me in the other day whilst claiming Chinese surveillance was bad? Of all the good for nothing\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know! Who cares! Get going!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Then I don\u2019t have to tell you anything!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Good!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Good! I have noticed Australians have a real fondness for female politicians you can really tell.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pauses dramatically<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Something in the water!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He howls like a dog.<\/i><\/span> Oh no save me! Quick I need the blue stocking brigade to buttress me into political greatness<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And the timing!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now don\u2019t overreact to Gladys being caught out<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Really! Australian love of female bush rangers and politicians really tells you something. I mean really\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Love corruption do you? Never could guess! I mean, which side of your personality is that shade? Magenta? Maybe you and Pru could sit down at a Liberal Party scone meeting\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yells<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019ll turn into Gra Gra and bag some cash. You can look the other way while I do a few things of national importance. Nothing going on at the moment. Nothing. Not that you\u2019d know!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anything you want you can have<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Good! I\u2019ll have a federal seat. A State seat and a two term female PM. Thanks!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now sweetheart\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Doesn\u2019t have to be me. Just someone that represents the new politics! A real live young person. Like, authentic and stuff! Like Charlotte Gainsbourg. You know? Wild concept.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Go for it. Go for it! Why would I\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Good. I want a superpac too.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Got it off your chest?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And I\u2019m not driving a political Chrysler either from the back seat. The back seat!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Your choice! Your choice!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You want to talk about ground up? Then tell me why I am still on the ground while a bunch of blokes are watching war games and flying between countries. Because that isn\u2019t ground up baby. That\u2019s a B21 that they won\u2019t let me near. And don\u2019t you ever talk to me about Kei<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here we go\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There is no fear of abandonment from a woman who is told she is a dero!\u00a0 <\/span>There is disgust at the people in comfortable high positions laughing with rouge made up faces about the fact they are not in her predicament!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh possum. Diddums. That\u2019s all today? Really I am surprised. Has Hilde taken down all the notes?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And BTW. Facts. Not one female American President! Just a fact.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And what? Should we all walk around and\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And if I hear one Australian female complain about discrimination while doing another woman in, I\u2019ll put a camera on them for the next 20 years. 20 years!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anyone you want to thank for looking after you, attending to your every need, lovingly taking you by the hand, creating miraculous gum leaf opportunities or shall we just leave this at the wounds of Carmen Lawrence still searing a little breastplate to hang above the mantle while single handedly reinventing Australian politics? Because it is so you. Today.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What\u2019s wrong with me? I\u2019m brilliant!\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m determined! I\u2019m\u2026 I forget but yes. Alright. Yes. Thankyou. I think\u2026.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Say \u2018Thankyou darlings I love you\u2019. I want to hear it. I can\u2019t hear it. Careful, We Can\u2019t Hear You. It is the wind whispering. It is the trees singing. It is little fire sticks rubbing together like little street urchins lighting lamps! It is your new boyf<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Laughs uproariously<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don\u2019t go there. It\u2019s off limits. I said Thankyou ! Thankyou oh thannnnnkyou gods of<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Laughs<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Darling we all do it! You just have to relax and think of a\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stop it!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m dreaming of a\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stop!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh I can\u2019t believe you wouldn\u2019t be there amongst it! You\u2019d be such an asset.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Both laugh<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A real live strategic asset. That\u2019s you.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Laugh<\/i>s<\/span> hysterically\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What are we going to do, Ruby Roo?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They laugh and sigh<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Find another bloody female Premier!\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Well if you like snorkels that much\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You can\u2019t imagine\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can. Darling, I really can.<\/span> Sighs<\/i><\/span> What do you think about it all really?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There is silence.\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I thought so. Don\u2019t worry. We\u2019ll work a way around it.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Silence<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Strangely quiet is my girl on the topics she loves the most.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Poetry in motion. Pure Irish poetry in motion. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hilde, can you send a letter to The Emperor? He\u2019s not happy at the moment\u00a0   Dear Papa, oh too patronising. Cloying even. Um\u2026 Dear Your Lordship, it has come to my attention that you are not happy with the recent subs decision.\u00a0It might be a bit late to play that card but I do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4619,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[27],"class_list":["post-4612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-starring","post-preview"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/Screen-Shot-2021-10-05-at-5.06.40-pm.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4612","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4612"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4612\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4625,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4612\/revisions\/4625"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.lovemesaidhenry.com\/lovemesaidhenry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}