You poisoned me again


We did not


You did.


Maybe if you 


How are you going to run that with artists? ‘If you don’t do what we want, we’ll make you throw up.’ Idiots. 


You know the rules 


Never seen them, don’t know them. A bit like you and God. 


This isn’t the time 


I think a run against the religious a bit much 


We didn’t do anything. Prove it. 


How? If we don’t know the rules and you keep changing them! I throw up when I advocate Western aims, I throw up when I don’t, do you have any idea when the children will know what they are doing is right or wrong? Because I think it would be safe to say, as you can be involved in secret missions that break rules


You don’t know that


Ok, an informed guess 


You don’t know that. Operational matters have rules. 


There are no rules in New Journalism. 


There are rules. You just know when you discussing someone’s affair is correct and when it is not. 


The media has broken that rule millions of times!


That’s right. How you behave is a reflection of your person and professionalism. It is up to you. It is a moral choice. 


How can self-satire be a crime? I am satirising myself!


Ah but it has consequences. 


How? I was simply adding a bit to an electric chicken dance. You can’t poison someone for five seconds of fleeting footage. 


Ali, you know what you did. And I can never work out when you are Augustus and when you are Hitchens. It seems to change with the days. 


See? See what you have taught me! I’m a shape shifter. For tha’ people!


You’re old enough to know better. 


The footy club wanted me to go there! They want me to go in, under the posts and score runs!


They did not. 


They did. You want fans, you better stop making foreign policy the province of dull twats 


Logistical matters are important. 


You asked me to go there!


We did not. 


You did to so!


You’re hurting yourself


The only people that will bring foreign policy back into something respectable are creative individuals that highlight the 


Oh that would be you, right? 


Well, actually now that you mention it 


Surprise sur


You can’t keep poisoning me!


Do something about it. 


Oh this is going to be great. Edina and Patsy off to the High Court. 


We’ll help you. 


Oh yeah, like you have before? No thanks. It would be like Christopher Hitchens helping Mother Theresa. The Presenter will ask for my phone number 17 times a day until I find out 


Think of it like charades. But with words. 


I just can’t believe it, while Kamala is entering into the hollowed halls, I am going to be fighting 


Well we don’t know that yet. You might get way laid and swim across to Duntroon. Nude foreign policy bulletins in fairy floss coat? 


You’re stealing my ideas!


Oh, but aren’t they great ones. 


If only you knew


But we do darling. We do. 


shuffles paper, walks out. 


Blue Crush



Here we are right in Alpha Territory 

Look at the specimens! 

Like young gazelles, they run through the landscape, alert and aware of any oncoming danger

Secretly disguised as a Common Eastern Board surfy slacker, behind those Doe Eyed ripped tradey muscles, lies the Potent Alpha. 

One minute laying pine bark mulch around recycled brick, the next out in the water hunting the next wave. 

Man versus Nature! 

The Beast and the Beauty!

Oh wait – there is an upset! Chicks with surfboards! Running the show! Alongside the Men! Oh shit. Oh shit. What are we going to say about that Ladies and Gentlemen? 

My goodness me. Specimens of exceptional ability and grace. Too bad about the fat sucking blobs known as the rest of us! Too bad eh? Just too bad! 

Grab the wax strips and hit the bikini line peeps!!! No more moustache for me!!

Truly, what to say now that we have ripped muscles running the show! Forget the pansies back in the office ladies and gents! This is a real show for real believers! 

Brings new meaning to on the beaches hey? That’s right! Surfie God Empire right here Gents, a little bit of cladding, a little bit of a million dollar home, good looking laid back chick on the arm and we are home and hosed! 

Anyone for Kale? Anyone for an infused energy drink before a 12 hour day ladies and gents??  

This is the stuff of SAS legends! Anyone want to be dropped out of helicopter at a great height into freezing cold water so your Muff Can Be Icicles Of Antarctic Heights???!! 

OF COURSE!!! Swim with the sharks, see a whale on the way and find yourself back home via a transmitter!!! 

At the same time, try and find the logic in a Defence White Paper!! Make it origami and paper plane that bastard around Russell!!! 

Wait, there is a windswept hair out of place. Oh no, not sure if that is going to look good with the Aqua steamer. Pilates at 8, work at 9, surf when you can. That’s what we are about! Big things happening here in Oz Ladies and Gentlemen! 

Remember, if you an overweight male with social and political commentary you are a genius but if you are a chick doing the electric chicken dance by a river, you are in trouble people!! 

That’s right. Equality strides right here as the Australian government once again proves encryption is not a service that they partake in or they do but only sometimes wait they’ve spent millions! Billions! 

How they gunna run that line in Senate Estimates?? 

‘We have billions for encryption but well, we can’t have the kiddies doing satirical digs at their own government’ 


Oh that’s genius. 


All open source but never mind.


Mikey! We have a problem!


Agnes 225, Government 1





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