Tag: serious (Page 1 of 5)

Thanks Esme.

Yeah, so I was called Albert Speer the other day. 

I mean, not out but you know, just casually like, in a conversation, like ‘get to work with the design + architecture and stuff’.

The best bit was the follow up, 

I said, what do you mean? 

I mean, because really I did think I just misunderstood. 

Well he said, ’the alternative not being nice.’

Like what I said? 

‘Like being shot.’

Yeah, that was the fucking icing on the cake. Not just mushroom clouds in your coffee but you know, the allusions that if I don’t get back to work, I could be shot. 

These are the guys that have promoted Yankeeville, under the cover of guise, that are still on the payroll and have spent a lifetime calling out the Nazi’s for running concentration camps – fucking Oscars for that shit – and they are threatening me over a phone line to get back to work or I would be shot. 

Oh you’re a fucking genius. 

Australia you’re standing in it. 

Too fucking right there. 


Nah, it gets better than that. 

God’s honour. 

The very same phone call, the very same human, says ‘well you can accuse me of many things, but I am always nice to everyone’

Seriously, this dickhead must think I am living on a planet in Shitsville or something because this guy spends most of his time gossiping about people and taking them down. 

‘Yeah, if that is the case why do you bastards spend most of your time bitching about powers that are not in your orbit?’ 

Like Russia, dopey. 

Or should we publish the Twitter feed? Cause that’s really complex stuff and worthy of our time. 

‘They are idiots. We hate them.’

Oh fuckin’ goodonya. 

Must have pissed someone off because a phone call like that pretty much lets you know about the crowd they are rolling with. 

It sure as shit ain’t my crowd. 


I thought the men loving men thing was sort of over in the town. 

Apparently not. 

Can talk about each other in glowing terms all fucking day. 

‘Your brother is so amazing’

Oh, get a room. 

If I don’t get to call a deceased male war hero Albert Speer or Ana I am seriously going to call in the Female Cops. 


I am always nice to everyone. 

These boys are having a good tug. 

Rack off. 

You just play dirty while getting money from big powers and then get awards!

Don’t fucking start me today.


When I am re-birthed, so help me God I will make money from talking myself up and pissing on the little kids while talking Fair Go Australia.

Who makes these people? 

Moral discussion on AI is clearly AWOL. 

So that’s handy. 

Wait, let me guess. 

You are Morally Clean and Able while destroying someone else. 


That’s some fucking balls. 

Can’t wait for them to spend hours talking about Freeing Julian Assange.

‘Ah Dickhead, didn’t you ring me and threaten me the other day?’


So, I just lay down in the Sun. 

Plopped myself on the balcony and soaked that shit up. 

Fuck ‘em Joe. 






Why hello my hardworking illuminator of the struggles of the poor. What are those tedious phrases you like to use? Ducks in a row, soldiers – what is that again? 


You mean words that humans 


Ah, humans that believe in having access to one’s memory and mind, remember. Let’s not use the word ‘human’ lightly. That would presume ethics and morality. I’m not sure we can make a run on that just yet. Anyway as luck would have it


As luck would have it 


I was fishing around the Lombardy region yesterday. 


Not physically of course


No, of course. That would violate these stringent new governmental laws that stop us fishing around doing our job that journalists seem to think just marvellous, so marvellous in fact I think I might create a new banner for the Washington Post. ‘Democracy Dies in Darkness’. Ha, wouldn’t that be grand?  


Just grand 


No, I mean cyber-fishing, not like Vietnam and China of course. 


Of course. 


Yes, not like that. Now the Russians went in with tanks in Bergamo. Tanks, can you believe it? 


Yes, tanks. 


Well I was just wondering. Tanks. From Russia. In Bergamo. Now what could be in Bergamo? In those tanks. 




Oh yes, silly. Of course, the pandemic that has everyone racing to set up beds and medical facilities and vaccine research and something about saving lives although let us not forget there are a few people dying of HIV in Africa but let’s be frank. White lives matter a bit more. Except when we need territory anyway oh why again is this a pandemic and HIV isn’t? 


This is cross border and the speed at which 

Oh yes, of course. The speed. Anyway, can you believe that the Chinese were in Italy just prior to the break out in fact just at the beginning and now, well it seems the Russians and trucks are needed. Yes, the Chinese were there just prior. Matteo didn’t want to meet them of course. 


Hedging bets. 


Yes, hedging bets. 


Now did you know that Chicago and Louisiana and North Tasmania and the strangest of places seem to be hit by this damn crisis. 


This damn crisis. 


And a Ruby Princess in Illawarra. 


A Ruby Princess. 


Well I never. Ruby, of course. Always, ruby. 


I never did. 


So…. you know the strong government and all and Rubio and stuff. 


No. I don’t. 


I mean, quick question, if let’s say you were trying to formulate some sort of nationalist agenda, isn’t it a bit strange that China and Russia would be in Europe? I mean, the assistance has been cross border. Cross country really. 


Yes. Cross country. 


Yes, so it will prove very difficult to run some sort of nationalist agenda later, no? 


Where are we heading with this? 


Oh, nowhere. I was just posing questions. You know, a light in the darkness and all that. Bridge Over Troubled Gin as it were. 


Water is what people need. What have you got for me Mary of Hallowed Ground? A sprinkler from Bunnings? 


Oh no, I delivered on that. There’s water everywhere. No, I just wanted to be sure that before people start using hackneyed terms and using plot lines from the past, that we established that clear lines that prove once again your logic is completely shot to pieces. 


Shot to pieces. 


Yes. And you know, that you can’t actually do what you want to do. 


What do we want to do? 


Oh, I don’t know. Ducks and things. I mean, you can’t. 


We can’t. 


Well, no. 


Hmm. How about you go out and explain clearly to the populace what it is that you think we want to do and I’ll tell you whether we want to do it? 


You’re not having a bloody recession to start with!


We’re not? 


You’re not. You’re just doing it because that is what happened in the past. You’re doing it because you don’t have the imagination to do something else. You are talking it up so people behave like robots!


I see. 


You think that is the only way you can get people to give service to the State, so you create this ridiculous situation whereby I see young people talking like robots. They actually believe this rubbish. 


Maybe they believe in working for something 


They don’t know what they believe! They are too young to know what to believe!  What are they going to believe? That countries should be shut down 


You’ve run away with this without asking the questions. We may not even be headed 


They believe in cyber bullying, they believe that might makes right, they believe 


According to who 


Who has defended me against your bullying? You have totally given up the mantle of defending the oppressed 


Oh bullshit, just because we are 


Don’t come near me with that ‘democracy dies in darkness’ bullshit. I’m about to take one of those phones you all spy with and smash it 


Oh, now we’re finding spying a problem, that is a surprise, considering Ms Gin, 


Don’t do it. 


Do what? 


Whatever it is that you’re not telling us. 


Why don’t you find out what that is and we can have this discussion again? 


You’re going the wrong way. 


Until the facts are clear, we can’t debate it. 


And at the moment you have the radio full of stupid propaganda 


Ease up. Not all programming is COVID. 


Incredible. In the eighties we have Benetton ads. Now we have puppets discussing military civilian responses to crisis. 


Get out and do the work. 


I’ll impose legislation before you can change it. 


Go on. 


I will. Just you wait! 


Go on Ali! We’re right behind you. Kick that door down with your Zen chutzpah!


The only thing you are able to do is post dickhead Instagram posts about how great you are at a task people having been doing for a Millennium. Baking a damn cake! Get out of my way before I set up a legal tribunal detailing 


Oh sure, go right ahead Rita! Prove we’re wrong! It is the patriarchy, no doubt 


I’ll give them a turntablist lesson in Hip Hop advocacy! Vossi Bop. The only Vossi Bop has been a bunch of idiots using their platform to ignore massive issues that they are incapable of addressing. That is, not able. As in, not re, not new, not able! 


Go get ‘em tiger! You got us on the hook!


They didn’t and haven’t said shit about water in their own damn country! 


You’re so right! 


Oh shut up.  




Storms out


Shakes his head. Sighs. Serious for a moment. 

I’m just here outside ANSTO

What a wonderful delight

Saving the world you see 

With an Opal Reactor 


It is all about nuclear medicine, can’t you see? 


Oh that rare earths agreement 

Just a small timely thing

I mean seriously, of course we can

Yeah China might have the run 

It was good to allow them 

To take the environmental tonne, 


Oh we’re an ambitious little Australia

Cocky in our lot 

No need to tell anyone what’s going on

We’re Rome on the run, 


Nothing like a Western Sydney Wanderer

To make us feel important 

We are the sun


When history has forgot us 

Or when we’ve turned away from those small inconsequential facts 

I know deep down

You’ll unmask the lot 

So principled 

And proud 



And when the quiet reveals 

How you scrubbed aside the 


How you carelessly 


Your place was more important

Than anything 


Then we’ll see

What rule you claim to 


I sure as shit hope 

You’ve got some money 

For the sick. 




Isn’t it funny

They can publish newspapers 

As clearly lined 

As a modernist dream

But twixt them 



Anything that counters real power

Ain’t anywhere to be seen.




There is a thought

That as you get older

You’ll swarm closer to the 

Engines of power

And through wisdom 

Somehow know 

What is right and wrong 

But ultimately 

What happens is the fight goes 

The desire for friendship greater


The estates wither 

And then damn those 

That aren’t 

Holding the line. 




I think the rage is 

That the fix is in 

That you cannot 

Change your circumstance

Although they claim 

That all are equal 


Even in the republic chime 

Are people who have benefited from 

Relationships that propelled them 

To power 

And it is this 

That is the grist 

That makes me green 


Because for all that equality propaganda 

Are people that owe all their success 

To privilege and connections 


So spare 






And what would it matter 

If I railed and roiled 

It is not business of yours 

I am not your fucking donut 

A piece of dough to raise and diminish 

When you feel fit


You have diminished me so many times 

And I have not forgotten 


You’d better be careful 

If I decide 

To use all my energy 

To reduce you to 





I can’t help it if you bore me 

You sort of do 

The lectures have been interminable 

Sort of like 

A parsons lunch 

The bastard place 

Is lousy with great stuff 

You run around being fabulous 

And here I am 

Sitting in a house 



The conversations over the years 

Have been the equivalent 

Of horseshit being tipped over 

A face 




I think it is time 

For you to get it back.



I’m a worker you see

I lovely little worker

I work so hard 

Let me tell you hard I work 

I mean how hard I work 

I am just such a hard worker 

So busy 



Maybe if you told those 

That don’t have a job 

How great they can be

And stopped talking about how hard you work 


We wouldn’t call you 

A bunch of aggrandising tossers 

People have always worked 

You didn’t invent 






Um Jared Diamond 

Comes to mind 

Can I go hard 

On the biological stuff 

Because it seems to me that yes 

That would be something 

That would 

Warrant a big bloody 





African Swine Flu? 

Now what could be 

At the centre of that. 

What a 





A fruitcake? 


They never got it those boys 

Still don’t 

Didn’t see 

The huge gap in their perception 

And ours 



And crew

Should tread carefully 

When trying to define 

Someone we saw

As absolutely 



Beautiful and luminous 

A bona fide star

That was flesh and blood. 


Her tantrums 

A reaction to 

Byzantine plots 


You see 

The human when sensing 

Rightly or wrongly 

That they are 

A piece on a 

Chess board 

Will react like a wild



Like Schoenaerts Mustang 


It is the animal instinct that kicks in 

Sensing that somewhere 


Danger or even

Just flagrant disrespect 


And I can imagine 

What prisoners feel 

It was like that 

For her



They learnt a lesson





And yet they continue 

To discuss 

Prisoner rehabilitation 

While allowing others 

To treat people 




Let’s just say 

I don’t react well 

To it 

As a notion 

And that’s 

The kind version. 








I’ve got a podcast and a very important podcast it is too




It’s me!


I’m back from the dead and we’re so alive


The world is so alive


Um let’s see


“We all hate Trump.’


Yeah next. That one has had a good run.


‘Russians die in a submarine’


Well, maybe maybe not. Let’s just take that one as it comes.


Well ergh I thought I would interview some experts and as the experts say complete rubbish, I am going to be the expert. S.


That’s right.


I am presenter, expert, producer and content writer. Of my fabulous little podcast show.


Oh, first a song.


‘I love barfing in the toilet


What a lovely way


To show me your looooovvvvveeeee


I love barfing in the toilet


You must be very big and strong’


Actually. That’s not it.


Here it is.


Oh please let me know if I am being too loud


OOHHHHHH I haaaveee a lovely set of tonsssssiiiilllllsssss








I think there was a little agreement




I think there was a little agreement


A tiny weeny little agreement


Between the tiny weeny little peeenies


Of Imran and Donnie




They had a meeting


They had a meeting


It’s a very contentious place


Three of them


No four


If you count the US-A of PRAY


 and Paaakistan and India


Lines in the sand


Well we’ve just sorted it out


And we do it very privately




Well just because


Because we like to have very quiet meetings


About things that matter


And it gets all sorted out


My how things change!


My how things change!


I must leave the cigar room now




They’re having a little meeting










Oh we’re nothin’ at all


We’re nothin’ at all




Just decided


In the teeeny weeny






And it just so happens


In the very same week


Syria rebels forces departed


Now what does that say






But there is this thing


Called the corridor


Wonder what happens






Be careful


Cause you think you might be winning…….


But Aunty gets it all




Aunty gets it all.


(Well, with a little benevolence towards other depleted folks, she dispenses wisely, what style, what charm, what power!)




Knock yourself out


She gets it




(But I’d like to access to the tapes, do you mind?)




If Derry doesn’t want a divided Ireland and America is outraged by the mass shootings, what is the scenario with Libya, Turkey; the INF withdrawal, the missile statements from  Pompeo and Yemen bombings? 

There is no link

Right so, when I discuss these things, how is it different say, from a reporter or a commentator or an analyst at a think tank? Let’s say, people view them as stoking certain current international positions. Will they be viewed as pariahs? 

Well, Trump is getting a caning

Yes. But that hasn’t changed policy, has it? I mean, when I have tried to change policy – or when people enter politics, isn’t that effectively trying to bring about an end to situations or alleviate the plight of people who are voiceless? 


So when I say that the lack of water in certain countries as a result of policy means that it is imperative that people in Africa find ways to make sure that they have access to clean and reliable water sources, how likely is that? 

Well, I am not sure 

Because at the end of the day, rulers have to be making decisions that make lives better not harder for the constituent. 


Right. So when I – out of my sense of service – look at whether or not water sources are clean, is that not a ruler being effective and compassionate about the subjects that rely on my good judgment? 

Yes, I would say yes of course

Good. That is all I wanted to hear you say. So, make clean water in Africa more reliable and make sure the people have it. 

Well the rivers 

I can’t see how you can say yes to plants and factories and other industrial items and not think about whether or not the clean water sources will affect people locally. I mean, their health. 

There are many programs 

Good. Because that is what I want and that is what I wanted to hear. Great work. Keep going. I’d like that an immediate result to be implemented….immediately. Clean water and sources accessible now. And some start up fund lot can make sure that it happens. I don’t want to see people lining up for water in a drought ravaged river. Or toxic water in community situations. 

How is this linked to the international situation that you 

Oh. Well. I just want to know why being outspoken or concerned with health issues is derided. I thought it might be best to keep going while I can. 

You have chosen some pretty powerful people to argue with 

I don’t see them as the enemy.

Well I would say 

How do you propose we deal with surveillance? Modify behaviours? Turn into robots? What is your belief here

That we be careful of what we say when 

How can a satellite determine the difference between theatre, satire and reality? It cannot. Only humans can. Therefore humans know when I am behaving to violate intimidating censorship and when I am performing. Only humans. 

What if they have no sense of humour? 

The satellites or the humans? 

Obviously huu

Then, they are serious about the issues of State. I see no point in it. Not a good PR exercise. 

But they do not have to absorb poor behaviour by the citizen. 

Of course they do. They are the State. The power quotient is uneven therefore the stronger set must endure as they are the larger force. The individual is not plankton to be picked off for amusement. 

Coming from you 

I was on a floor. Fourth time. Poisoned. I have not ever made it public until last month. Don’t tell me about amusements. 

Your fricatives have frankly 

If you work with incredible power on your side, you wear it. Surely they knew the consequences. 

Probably not. 

If they don’t wear it, they are the Mafia. 

There is a middle ground


A Compendium of Thoughts on Chaos and The Land Between Seas. That We Live On.

While you’re listening to the Royal Commission into Child Abuse currently running in NSW, spare a thought for people dealing with the images coming out of Syria.
Pretty gruesome although I do not necessarily agree with the axiom ‘you can’t say you didn’t know.’
Viewing images is one thing. Being certain of the perpetrator is quite another. Especially thousands of miles away.
The Balkan wars had their own agendas and necessary tragedies and I am not sure anyone well versed in international conflict is going to wade in other than to condemn – again – the endless suffering of innocent civilians.
The Fourth Estate has often used tragedy as a way to: inform others re: global conflict, depict suffering, or marshall support for a cause. The problem being that war images are rarely without inherent strategic ‘agendas’.
The UN is currently investigating the use of chemical weapons in Syria. Russia disagrees.
Whether or not this is a ‘Western’ agenda or a human rights agenda isn’t exactly clear, as the war has been framed either as a war on extremists or a war between proxy powers. (The West v Russia/China. See Brzezinski.)
This strategic alignment might be clear vis a vis a the North Korean situation/South Korea’s THAAD deployment, but a little less so when determining the rationale for Trudeau’s/ASSK’s/Obama’s Chinese visits.
The point being: do journalists wish us to pressure the UN, boycott Russia, find ISIS, or launch an investigation into Western bombing thus pressuring US and aligned powers?
After all, I was under the assumption that that was precisely why we sent journalists to the Middle East.
Showing us images of carnage doesn’t inform us but often helps expedite already agreed upon foreign policy decisions. (See My Lai and the American withdrawal from Vietnam.)
Perhaps if the 4th Estate was a little more transparent about what they do know, we could both do their job for them and stop the conflict. Without the guilt trip.
It is war porn.
And don’t forget it.
Australia is currently in the midst of political debate regarding Chinese political donations to major parties and politicians, with a slew of reports detailing Chinese influence on our pollies. Alongside those reports, came more revelations on cyber hacking by foreign elements and a security conference in Canberra.
Large donations by US or Western companies haven’t had the same focus – but the EU has Apple in its sights, so perhaps Josh Earnest was only stating the obvious when he inadvertently referred to America’s economic interests in the Asia-Pacific.
(Perhaps real estate prices for Australia’s Y Gen are the real issue but there was a government inquiry into that.)
Meanwhile, there was a blast at the Chinese embassy in Tashkent (or was it Bishkek?) which might sort of be similar to the Chinese Serbia scenario years ago or maybe not.
And for those of you sick of ‘Chinese’ or ‘American’ interests – 18C is being debated in Parliament. As well as a plebiscite on gay marriage.
Perhaps the Donald Trump distraction tool has reached its used by date.
So OB is off to Laos and China. Kick arse temple decoration in the former. I hope he flies into Luang Prabang. Takes a trip down the Nam Ou. Sticky rices the hell up.
Anyway, Laos was the backdoor for American bombs in the Vietnam War, so the turn around in American policy continues apace.
I am allegedly meant to insert smarmy comments here but I’ll instead focus on the trends in APEC and ASEAN policy making and ask the question: is this unexpected? Does this accord with other decisions in these regional bodies?
Ah the bigger picture.



You need to apologise


Piss off


What was the problem down South? 


I can’t keep walking into your intell set ups. It creeps me out. 


We couldn’t have you sniffing around the sugar factories




It was a test. You didn’t go back. 


It was a rekky. Besides, I made my point. If you are going to employ young men to do your dirty business, at least have them not treat the subject as a fool. Did you make me sick?




What is so interesting out there that makes you ensure a handler with me at all times?


I have no idea 


The Chinese don’t care about what I write.


Yes. They do. 


Dramatically Ooooh. That’s because it may not just involve the Chinese. 


I don’t 


That would be a problem. 




The problem is inaccuracy 


There is nothing more beautiful than pulling the pieces together. What an interesting little place it is.


It was our opinion 


And all I can think about this week is, who can forget a program about my relatives just as I was investigating big interests in Australia. And you know the strange thing? The story was given to me by intelligence. I mean these yarns don’t drop out of the sky, do they? Now why would Intelligence who gave me the story then want my relatives to be discredited on Australian TV? It could be a tussle you see, between British vs American interests. I mean, you guys post-war have given it to the old guard, now haven’t you? Murdoch meeting Kennedy wasn’t a mistake. The Greeks taking charge. Tally Ho! It could be a desire to make someone committed to public information more of a, let’s say, privacy advocate. In that Roman Catholic sort of way. Or you were just testing me. Most likely. But funnily enough, it didn’t touch me. It never occurred to me that I should be worried. That I would actually care. Laughs You poor bastards. Must have spent months on that one. Cackles, shaking head You never have fucking understood the Irish have you. 


I have no 


Not a great story for Australian intelligence is it. Australia’s premier investigative public program using government funds to go after an investigative reporter? How are you going to spin it? 


We don’t


And just as you are going after China for state propaganda. 


Those are old 


No. I think anyone who sees themselves as part of an administration that actually cares about the Fourth Estate, would without a doubt, support an investigation into intelligence being used against democratic citizens. I mean, ordinary citizens. In Australia. Not paid by any foreign government. 


I think you need to think carefully about what you are 


This is Australian sport. This is the first week of the cricket at the SCG. Howzaaaaat dickhead. 


Walks out. 




Backlit: Ethiopians covered in white shrouds off to Church. 


Well fucking next time I will call a press conference 


It wasn’t 


I step off the fucking plane and I have 20 million little idiots taking cell phone pictures every five minutes what the fuck is going on over there? I nearly decked the Chinese embassy witch that stood directly in my face and clicked away at that shitty little dive they throw us all into so they can intell profiles 


We have to have everyone there 


Can’t you see me on a fucking satellite? What the hell are you all doing? I mean fuck me have things not evolved?


How would you know. You don’t know anything except what we 


I do a pretty good job of not knowing anything, it has served me 


Not anymore 


Pause You want me to discuss military operations in Africa. Why would I do that? 


Because you love it. 


There is no evidence!


None? That’s unlike you my little Girl Scout. And entirely unbelievable. 


How could I possibly know anything without going to every other African state to really understand what is 


You don’t have time. Pauses What about the local concerns?


That’s a stupid thing to say. Manipulative rubbish.They need not to be poisoned by fucking residue from dirty bombs.


Pause There is a large African Union building. And a large UN building. 


What the hell does that mean? 


It means you should think about it. 


Oh thanks very fucking much. That’s extremely helpful.  I am sure the Ethiopians are greatly thankful they have had the white honkies and now the Chinese to set them on the right path to Haile Selassie Greatness. I’ll fucking let you know when to bring in the swarm of bees right before they lose all their water and end up swimming in a trickle as big as the fucking Liffey 


Wait. I think I see …wait no…yes! A person. She used to be…could be just an epiphany. 


Oh go fuck your cheesy balls. 


Goes to walk out, stops at door


And some think he was a traitor btw. 


Really? Selassie? My Google is doing good research these days. 


I got it from an ex-military cabbie




Oh eat my muff cocksucker. 






I’m not using local translators 


And how do you 


They are big fat liars and they stuck me in a tent full of naked women who looked like they wanted to cook me 


Well there are a few 


Now I have a giant red pimple on my arse and I am pretty sure some bastard convinced a spider to sit on my greatest asset and 


Probably wasn’t wise to start an argument with your guides ten minutes into the trip 


They’re a bunch of fucking liars 


It is called the State. They are your constituents. 


Oh yeah? What by editing as they translate and conveniently directing me away from the scene of interest? That’s called horseshit. Patronising horseshit. 


They were helping you. As I said, the issue of Chinese sugar factories 


Well what do you expect? You just carve out huge swathes of territory, leave the poor local bastards to just deal with it while claiming you are making sugar! If they are making sugar my arse is the Eiffel Tower 


Remember when we explained that statecraft and diplomacy was about nuances. About how we say things. 


You mean I’m not supposed to make a link between the shape of sugar factories and nuclear rod things 


Nuclear rod things. Fuck me


You know what I mean. Those long things you have when you make a plant. 


You didn’t go there. You cannot claim anything. The discussion is mute at this point. 


You mean it is a moot point. 


Don’t go developing an intellect it will kill me. 


Taps fingers 


So let’s assume that through my policy deliberations I advocated the very thing that I am seeing 


Oh glory! Could it be true! Reality has hit the tackled punk Echidna wearing dog hair in one of the wealthiest suburbs in 


It isn’t the wealthiest 


It isn’t the Bronx sweetie but besides that exactly our fucking point! You cannot be everything all at once like some deranged Liberace Kissinger offspring 


Why not? Washington is blue and red now that the Democrats have taken control of the 


Did you see things and what will you do about it? 


I’m not going to bloody tell you, am I! 


Seriously, I wouldn’t ask you to do anything, it would be like asking a pavlova to discuss Bitcoin 




Quelle surprise


You are asking me to reveal security details in a country I just visited without all the evidence. 


I’m not asking you at all! 


Why would I reveal it? 


I didn’t say you would reveal it. But surely you know, regarding the environment and things you have seen, contribute to an understanding of the larger picture 


Listen. If you want me to discuss strategic decisions being made that facilitate naval power by any which power, just say so. I just don’t know that A + B = C in this situation




The Frenchies 




Well they may have a different take on things. 


According to who? There is a big fucking US base inside the border. Just pull it together and give us a larger picture. Stop being cute. All that Christian crap got to your brain 


Here you have an early Christian country. They’re still poor. They’ve been fighting Eritrea and now..peace. They’ve struck it strategically lucky and actually I think 


If you want to be the benevolent woman at the centre of a Christian story you must decide that. Decide. 


I thought I was Sabine. 




You went there for a reason. We have a good idea why. Lose the cuteness and get your shit together. 


No-one asked you. 


No-one asked you. But we are dealing with it. Your highness. 


Good. About fucking time. 




Do you think she knows anything? 




What can you glean from the pictures? 


Nothing. She hasn’t got a clue and I don’t think we should follow this down the 


Anyone can just have a look and discern for themselves. The stories of the relocations and 


There’s no proof. Why is she focussing on this and not what we handed her on a silver platter? 


Because if there is anything to her theory, it makes the whole security scenario a shit load more interesting. 


What more than pipes and dams and railways and sugar factories? It’s infrastructure. It is exactly what she was always banging on about.


Why does it trump houses and northern security imperatives? 


She’ll move West. Either connecting the energy, possibly South Sudan possibly Kenya. 


She’s a pain in the arse. Just let me know what she saw in Djibouti. 


Not much. Other than the new construction. She has nothing concrete. Ports. That’s it. 


Did she get to Niger? 







I think you are overplaying the downturn. 


Overplaying. Overplaying. 


You can’t honestly tell me that there is real economic trouble. Who wants it? 


No-one wants it. 


Are you ready to tell a large swathe of the great unwashed that economic hardship is what you wish them as you sit pretty on good investments and a roof above your head. Are you? I’m not. 


You sound like Pocahontas. We can’t control what happens. 


Yes. You can. Don’t do it. Don’t create something that will have major global repercussions and destroy little dumpy countries coming out from under the parapet. Don’t do it. 


I don’t know what you are talking about. 


No. But I am confident in your abilities to not punish people just keeping their head above water. Pauses Give them what they need. Surprise them. 


I thought you thought we were all water barons out to steal the water of the people


Smiles   You’re just going to have to find a way to give it back to them. Litigation in the courts over toxic residue. Imagine that global trend. 


What I always liked about foreign fields is that they were foreign. And the foreigners who went there were reliable. 


Brave New World. Must be frightening for the automobile club. 


Yes. Precisely. 



(Heads on grass, face up) 


Do you think I am some sort of Wharton figure? A sort of Howard’s End thing, not understanding the change in climate? 


I would never accuse you of not understanding a change in climate. I think you are confusing Remain’s of the Day with Howard’s End.


Well that depends on your reading. 


Have you done anything lately? Like read the Congressional reports? 


What would be the point of reading about how bad China is? If I’m not on the ground, it’s virtually pointless. When you’re on the ground, there are seventeen layers that suddenly come to you and soak into your skin and it becomes clear. Much clearer than say, looking at art in a book. You can see the brush and then you…and then you think about it until it becomes firm. I mean, if you were serious you’d be in Beijing anywhere just banging down business until you got the look in. 


There are plenty of podcasts. 


Yes, if you like the sound of your voice. It’s very self important isn’t it. I shall create a tableau of projects to add to my bow and thus remain eternally relevant. 


You’d love it. Gets up


Are you off to Japan? 




Well the skiing is going to be good. 


Excellent. Promise me you won’t hurtle into exotic domains and frighten the locals 


I promise to wear any interference lightly 


I don’t believe you 


Neither do I. 


No more striking either. 


No. No more facile lovers. 


Deal. They hug 


Get some new clothes. You’re malting. 


Oh it is my camouflage prior to mating. I’m a hedgehog you see. 


I don’t think you have a clue what you are talking about. I sat next to you in science in 7A. 


Smiles, cycles off 




The Lodge is not happy 


That’s like Jabba the Hut de-friending you. 


Yes but 


It is a tin humpy on a glorified piece of real estate. Prime Minister’s come and go.


I think 


Sorry are we talking about a message I got about Jackson Hole while staying in Jackson Street that has been coded to suggest that Canberra doesn’t think I will get a return on my services? Because that’s like using the term ‘climate change’. Or ‘global warming’. I got it the first time. 




And what? That could change in a second. People run countries. Not Prime Minister’s. 


I beg to 


Ah, in defence of the advisor. Always the most paramount interest don’t you think? 


Leader’s must be tested 


Humiliating an individual is just humiliation. Stop protecting yourselves. Protect the population. 


Taps finger 


What? I’m not going to discuss the camouflage in the North. Puts book down. What do they want me to say? ‘I saw men in camouflage that clearly are being trained by someone in an area known for demanding independence.’ Too subtle I imagine. 




Why do you want me to discuss it? I haven’t finished assessing the elements within the borders. 


Then if you could kindly do so.


If you tell me the benefit to the local population, I’ll discuss it. Do they get more money? Is it proxy power play by stealth? 


I thought you cared about lives. 


Exactly. You know the Balkans was broken up. Tell me, who has benefited? Albanians for sure. Have Western interests prevailed? What about the coastline? Who cares about Islamic lives if they are always the props used for the next move into a heartland? Yes. You heard me. 


Most journalists would kill for the knowledge you have. 


No. I don’t have knowledge. I have a sequence of events and certain evidence that suggests a whole range of security scenarios that someone wants me to write about. Either, to end my career or prop it up. Neither particularly helpful if you are trying to make the right decision. 


Perhaps they were trying to help you. 


When I can discern whether or not there is an asset of incredible military value inside the borders of Tigray, I will tell you whether or not I wish to discuss the independence issue. Now please leave me alone. You’ll have to cool those military heels for a bit. 



Is that it? 


It’s a cracker. Moscow and Ethiopia working together within the borders of the darling US child with direct flights to Washington? Hell yeah. Bloody love it. 


I mean, it is background. 


Who cares. Now that my friend, that my friend, that is a taste of a brilliant story. I’m telling you. 8% growth on top of everything else going on? 


I think you just caught your parents having sex. I am not sure everyone needs to know about it. 


You’ve got Chinese factories, sugar, an independence yarn, railway strait to the port, ‘energy pipeline’ to the coast. Popular PM, relocations, a massive new dam, a dead head engineer – shot in broad daylight – new African Union HQ, the UN, young population, Rasta heartland, Christian devotees and divine landscape. The shots would be spectacular. It doesn’t hurt that there are some fine photogenic individuals also around the joint. 


Get your tongue off the floor. 


But if ever there was an opportunity for the Holy child and Rasta 


I thought you were ushering in Marcus for Uncle. 


Multi-talented. Under renumerated. But multi-talented. 


I hear you bled like the Red Sea. Missed your opportunity it would seem. 


Oh not at all. Actually the politics of the Red Sea play into 


No. N-O. One at a time. Alright. Dig around. Present something coherent.


Moi? Cogent agent 99 at your service. 


Everyone just shoulder bump her this week. She’ll think you are African and our lives will be made infinitely more pleasurable. 




Do you think the women are going to make a difference? 


He’s building a bastard wall. have to. 


Is there some security issue I am missing? Is anyone using it for any other reason other than…..fleeing poverty.


Not that I know of. 


Well there has to be be something going on. You don’t build a wall because you want to. teenage boys have been detained and let go.


The usual. 






Imagine those now dependent on the good graces of a new government. How many are we talking worldwide? 


Keep you on the straight and narrow. 


And the tentacles formidable. We’ll be a minority soon. 


Nah. Nothing more pleasurable than keeping the bastards honest. People love it. Keeps them alive. 


Yes but unless it changes policy and this heat is unbearable there is no bloody point. I’d say policy vacuum but I am allergic to it. 




No, a vacuum.




Take it back 


Did anyone hear anything? I swear I heard 


You don’t know anything about Rome or Marcus, we are the tea bag. Not the sugar. Not the honey. The tea bag. 


You know I wonder about a society that likens it women to teabags. Don’t you? 


Cut it out. 


Nothing like a few historical references while you’ve got the British and the Yanks sailing their Perry dingy’s around the joint. Aren’t the Canadians railing against the Huawei bizzo oh quick while i am thinking of it, nice new episode of Pine Gap don’t you think? 


Your point? 


Moi? Nothing. Zeroooooo.


You’ve said zero about Huawei. 


What is there to say? Are we to be surprised that Canadian home owners like selling their houses to foreigners and opening their doors and then wait yes, try to reverse the policy once the power play is in. Funny. It reminds of another country. Somewhere. 


Not funny. 


Oh. My apologies. I wouldn’t dare point out that we are like most, financial mercenaries that enjoy the money but you know, on our terms. 


Look at the onerous loans that most of the world deal with when dealing with the other player. You can’t seriously compare it. It is not going to end well. You are protecting a power that 


That story isn’t finished yet so I am assuming a few more plot developments. I am assuming with the Islamic prisons in the West you have gone with a ‘the Chinese are the Germans’ scenario? Sorry, I seem to think about it in strategic terms. How silly of me. Fancy the Africans dealing with the Chinese. Must be disheartening after all you’ve done for them. 


I am just about sick of your little witticisms 


And I thought I was the tea bag. Are you running the human rights charge against the Chinese arrest? 


Naturally we are and you are the prime individual to benefit you pimply arsed moron because if we don’t fight it any discussion of what they are doing in Africa is going to be bloody difficult for you. Can you even conceive of how normal people have to operate in this landscape? 


I am extremely aware of all that has been done for me. The sex has been exhilarating. 


You don’t seem to understand 


I understand very well. Nothing like legal definitions when debating whether or not to endanger the lovely little folk of Asia. You know, one would have to ask what the Catholics believe in. Filipinos and Mexicans. You know, first they are bastardised by the Spanish, then the Americans, then they exit post haste for wealthy countries so they can actually survive. And then, they await deliberations from lawyers about whether or not they might survive geo-political competition. 


You know you are in no position to judge.


Precisely. But let’s think about it for a moment this week while we’ve parade around with our ‘capability’. Everyone hates Duterte. But I hear him talk a lot of sense. If they stuff it up, like Taiwan, they might have a bit to lose. Something other countries in the region with more favourable geography might think about.


Being a contrarian serves no purpose.


I have to disagree. 


Why do you do these things? 


I don’t fuck up with love sweetie. I love long and hard. I mean look at how I have loved. Endlessly. Breathlessly. But I fuck up sometimes. We all do. 


Just try having a bit of consistency. 


What so I can die bored? Have you advised on foreign policy my little James Perse t-shirt? I don’t think so


Know one will ever know or remember you. There won’t be a statue in Belconnen precious. 


And for that we can all be thankful. I’m back already. I wrote this. So that was like four minutes. 


Your rebound ability is….concerning. 




Why aren’t you there? 


Who do I work for? 




Thrusting yourself into geo-political realities without a brief. I want to hang out with the boys and have a baby. Moses. No, Gwyneth has that. Milo Viggo. Hep Milo Viggo? 


A child named after a disease. Excellent. Typical. Oh your Kate….naturally. No ‘Burn.


Joan of Arc syndrome. 


Yes. You have a brief. 


That’s what you all keep inferring but I am not convinced. You want me to be useful but invisible. In a Freddy Mercury sort of way. 


Do you want to be visible and on trial? 


What for? Crimes against fashion? 


Just take your photos and be creative 


Madonna with iPhone. 


Think. Once you’ve seen the Syrians and the Yemenis you’ll actually understanding suffering 


Shut the fuck up. 


We are not asking you to write the definitive history on a country 


No, those military sons of


They don’t have time for Bette at the Baths. 


They need it.


Oh I am sure they do. I’ll be sure to put you on the desert entertainment roster. How about Norway? I hear you like the cold. 


Only because it makes things that are already small that much smaller. Easier to dige


Hiding out here isn’t going to change anything 


I’m not hiding. I’m waiting. 


You’re hiding, like a purple elephant in a sequinned kaftan 


I’m waiting. I’ll wait.


Turns away 




Do you really think calling out Joe is a good idea? 


Magnificent idea. Fat Boy Slim in with the int crowd? Ergh. Imagine if you weren’t me. And you couldn’t do anything about the fact they were stuffing with you. I mean, just imagine that for five seconds. Little bastards. 


You don’t have to imagine actually 


They know me, I know them. They expect it. It is a robust relationship. 




It’s different for me. 


You are almost in another category. A far far away laaa


And what are you going to do to a kid who has stuffed up? We need get these kids out of jail. Not bloody create new crimes. Jesus fucking hell. While some of these twitter Cardinals were getting drunk and whoring I was studying if I remember 


I am not sure Doris, you were 100% Day  


Well Nelson, Tupac, I am not sure your little outfit is 100% clean 


Racial violence isn’t picking Libertine over Celine 


I have to walk in a hundred ugly uncomfortable shoes and you get to have kids and name them something exotic 


Grasps hand If you don’t understand that we are trying to help you 


There are millions of ways to help. You just have to be human and pick the right one. 


Pulls hand and walks away 



So the elections are close




Do you have anything to say


What, other than vote? 


You don’t think 


It isn’t my country 


People need to feel that the world around them reflects them 


The world is a complicate mish mash of people of various ideals and competing aims. Words don’t change lives 


They do 


Really? And people on the ground working hard every day to help someone realise their potential and make their surroundings 


So you think hip hop 


Oh GOD I think I have expressed what I believe to be important and not only that, have tried to be a part of a world that I might never see. Beyond that, it turns into narcissistic demagoguery 


So, what do we need leaders for? 


Are we not done yet? I really really just need a month of pedicures 


You’ve had your beauty fill darling you are maxed out on that score, try again.


What do you want me to say? Investigation takes 


You have it. 


I get tired from the inputs. They are too weird 


Oh so strangers need to talk to you sincerely now 






The mirrors are…odd. Inaccurate. It takes time.


Reality is inaccurate. People in dire circumstances don’t have your time.


Fortress survival isn’t a rave 


Be yourself.


I am myself. 


You’re not going slowly because you are slow 


OK I do things very slowly because every decision I make may be the wrong one. So I prefer to hang out in nature. Have I fulfilled my criteria today? Are the Catholics using this in a manual? 


That’s not something you need to know. 


I really don’t see how everyone knowing my life can add to anything. I’ve kept it as unremarkable as possible. 


And you think this is a strategy? 


Who cares about strategy? 


You do. 


Did. Past tense. 


That is for me to decide. 




It’s none of your fucking business. It is my internal life and it is precious. It is mine. This waves hand this is mine. If you own my movements and my internal thoughts just by the very nature of reflecting them into the world, then you can’t be too concerned with the sacred profane acts of every day. I do not take pictures of a newborn baby without consent and share them with the world.


Unfortunately, you still do not understand what this is about. 


You are right. But I do know, based on this affair, you have the power to claim that everyone is a threat whose personal life is a public issue. And you and I know that is dangerous and wrong.


We’re protecting you. 


Why then does it feel like a violation of all that is sacred? 


You can talk to a few conflict survivors. I am sure they can discuss this with you at length. We’re done. 


Walks out 




Fucking refugee camps 


Oh look Theresa is tired 


What do they do anyway? 


Not today 


Do you think the drug companies fund that shit? 


Oh lord of mercy Saint Theresa has decided to save the great masses 


I wonder how they pick the locale 


As if you would know


The Puerto Rican’s would be so happy about Zika. Zika. then the hurricane. What is God’s name did the Puerto Rican’s do to anyone? 


About the same as retirees in California. 


It makes me feel like one of the blessed. Did you see that kid on St Jude’s? I couldn’t. I swear one day The Holy Goddess of Justice is going to revive those poor bastards on the periphery of America’s grandeur. It is going to sweep them up in its large hands and give them mountains and rivers and gold. Someone is going to look after that tribe. So help me god, it is going to turn. 


They had MINT. 


Starts with the Mother honey. It is all about the Mother. 


How do you know? 


Octavio Paz says so. And I am with him. 


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