Welcome to the Confidential Confidentiality Confidential
We here at Confidential Central will make sure that everything you write is entirely confidential
Confidentiality is our motto
We might come up and repeat things you have only ever thought or spoken in private but
It is just entirely confidential!
What we want here at Confidential Central is your complete confidentiality
How would we know what you are saying or thinking?
We are Confidentiality Plus.
We are a benevolent society wanting good and purity instilled into every human being
We sell elixirs at incredible prices just for you!
And organic vegetables that quite frankly, could be grown in horse shit on top of world class chemicals but at least it looks authentic and that’s what matters.
As long as you look like you are rural and down at home, the world will be saved.
Because we like to ensure complete confidentiality that somehow just fails to mention the incredible price paid for electronic data sold onto consumer groups, we’ll ensure that any breach of your privacy remains confidential and exonerated by a two page letter that acknowledges the breach but does absolutely sweet FA about it.
Even if it includes medical records that could affect your insurance!
Or passed onto employers so you can be royally screwed in the arse.
How do you know that your information is protected?
First of all, we know everything.
Second, there is nothing you can do about it because we are fighting cyber crime and that is very important so you’ll just have to cope.
Third, any attempt to find out why we have complete control over the private information of individuals tapping into their computer at home is going to be run through some stupid legal maze that effectively renders your attempts to control this information useless.
That you choose to fight back by using the very surveillance that we claim doesn’t exist is noble but ultimately futile as we have rendered all individuals in the world completely boronic and totally up our hairy balled arseholes.
They prefer to post Instagram photos than detail any particular concern that might affect, you know, someone blackmailed over comments they made privately and were totally legit.
Fourth, here at Confidentiality Central we are working on behalf of The Service so everything we do here must be Top Secret and not at all open to any of the legitimate arms of justice touted in our ‘Justice For All’ mantra thrown about for PR purposes and a shit load of conquest.
We, in fact, can do whatever we want and in particular, be part of any violent retribution we see fit in accordance with our ‘We Are So Christian’ motto.
Here at Confidentiality Central, we really support women – just not people that do not support Confidentiality!
Even if that Confidentiality might affect the health of thousands of people and even some poor bastard in Other Countries not as powerful as us.
Welcome to our beautiful world.
We want you to explore and be prosperous.
Just on our terms.
And yes, those terms are entirely confidential.