And here we are

got my snorkle

my thermal beanie 


got my scottish flag


Just something subtle during these important times 

my thermos 

my sat phone isn’t water proof

Let me see

touches buttons 

I put contact on it but something isn’t right

hello hello hello are you the Americans 

oh he sounds japanese to me 

konichi wah rainbow roll without the mayo

what he is sayin’ 

somethin’ about those bloody exercises 

one more maritime exercise and I’ll pull a muscle 

can you tell AUSTAL I want the trickle down money

that’s right 

just put it in the front compartment, next to the lifejacket

it’s fluro pink

Marise will pick it up in a brown paper bag

She’ll be incognito

Wearing rhinestone and purple glasses that Barry gave her

Not Kosky the other one 

Oh der


oh that’s just a way of avoiding the relatives 

Shit he is coming through




Winston Surfshirt, you don’t know them 


Oh I don’t know I can only hear a chopper engine 

Darling what colour do you want the kitchen? 

I told you it is camouflage. I had my energy done and I am an echidna spirit. They’ll never know. 

I don’t think slate grey will do for me I am afraid. 

What does SCOMO think? 

The three bears? 

Um I think it means they are really hot and can defend the empire

Oh look, some hot chicks too. Can they be Goldilocks? 

I can’t spell moral. I’m dyslexic. 

Everything I learnt, I learnt from some very important people so I am sorry, I can’t complain really. 

But darling, if the tents are going AWOL in Afghanistan, where will we put the pools? 

Can you have pools in FIJI?

Why not? We’d love a rugby match, we can watch it on the big screen.

Oh. we’ve been working. We’ve decided to run a Russell Dairy Times day every year. Well we sit around the rocks in our flippers and read the defence white paper. Every time you hear the word ‘capability’ ‘strategic’ ‘rules based order’ ‘threats’ ‘maritime theatre’ and a few other hundred inspiring choice terms, you gotta scull Oban! You’d love it Brangus. I can’t wait for you to join us.

No it is really hard. You have to pick the final figure for the French sub outlay. To the coin! No-one is gunna get it. Oh you’ll love it. 

Um yeah I saw. Looked like a firecracker night round a winter bonfire but whatever wets your tent.

Bruce? Oh he’s being Bruce. I’m working on stealth capability. You know how subtle I am. All periscope and burnished steel.

Oh darling I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to make you more resilient. I just don’t want you to be less than you are. You in all that khaki glory. With a flourish of red for effect.


Who could resist it? I’d burst a pipe just looking at you but I know how well you’ve laid them. 

I heard the locals still have a dodgy line. That doesn’t sound like you my love. I’ll be over in a jiffy to drink love potions with the locals. We’ll fix it in no time.

Ways and means Kel, ways and means. 

Listen, what about a board game? Hydrogen hubs crossed with gas pipelines crossed with energy basins, a little windfarm and you gotta find your way out with your clothes still on.

Oh darling laughs you are such a prude. We need to reconnect I don’t want Canbra to take away that tantric je ne sais quoi. Come here. You’ll be up in a jiffy.