Listen, I could wait around for someone to give the big tick.
You know, green light my program, doco, whatever. But by that time I’ll be shrivelled camels dick because if there is something people love, it is pretending that good things take forever.
It doesn’t take forever. Jesus. Bunch of goddam lawyers scared you’re going to hurt someone by simply spelling it out lunatic.
Spelling it out.
Can I help it if people are idiots and I can think and type at the same time? Not my bloody problem, is it?
I still don’t know what the hell is going on in Syria but I can have a good guess. I mean, I can’t talk about it until I see the tents. Like I saw the gas in Iran. I mean, you see that shit and you go, oh, I get it. Get it?
What the hell I gotta do sixteen degrees for and try and convince someone in some capital city that actually, my ideas aren’t half bad. What for? What for? No point to that. You just Michael Caine the career out and at the end, it either worked or it didn’t. He ended up with a good looking chick on his arm so I reckon I can do it.
Gunmen, defence attaches, refugees, dickheads yeah, I can do them all and just wait. I already got enough degrees for twenty professional footballers and they still grill you out like you’re a dumb blonde just waiting for some advice.
Here’s some advice.
I’ll do what I want.
I’m not building shitboxes the size of a postage stamp and raping the bastards dry, am I?
—
So you know, you’re walking through Myanmar Burma whatever and you’re thinking, what the hell happened here?
I mean literally, what the hell happened here?
You get the distinct feeling that the English just pissed off out of here and left them to it.
What are the going to do with these buildings? You know what they are going to do with those buildings? They’re going to restore them. And then the whole project of the other or something has finished. They’re not going to just march on in, but who do you think will provide the funds for small countries to ‘refresh’ sounds like a mouthwash to me.
Tourists are already through the joint and I don’t have to be another little ant desperate for some gold dust to make my life better. Sweet Jesus I liked it but I’m not sure trapsing around someone else’s country in the heat helps. I mean it helps but well, there has to be more. You think I want to look at poor people my whole life? Jesus. Enough to poke your eyes out with a stick. Just thinking about what they’ve got ahead makes me tired.
Yeah, I need a nap.
I mean you could fall asleep saying Myanmar, know what I mean?
—
I love naps.
People aren’t big on sleeping but Europe has been sleeping for decades. All that siesta stuff. They just knock off and when they need someone to back them up, presto, the Yanks are suddenly de jure.
Let me tell you about the Crimea.
First, as we all know, it has crime in the name. Now, I don’t know who named it or why they named it and I am not sure I’d be wanting to own a place called Crimea, but that’s the way it is in the 21st Century.
Have it. Seriously.
If you get a big red texta and work out Russia v America v China v Mussies v I don’t know, you’re going to end up with a big fat headache. Take a Panadol. Invest. Sleep. Eat. Get nude.
This is someone else’s problem. Make it someone else’s problem because sure as shit someone in the State Department or ONA is going to love having it as their problem. They love this stuff. They know this stuff. They went to Harvard or ANU and they know everyone and they get off on on knowing what is knowable. Comprendez peeps?
You take this away from them, they got nothing. It’s like asking Kangaroo land here to ween itself off the Asian tit. There is going to be a fight on your hands. It doesn’t matter because we got it best both world’s didn’t we, and we didn’t even have to give up an empire.
So you see what I mean? New worlds are still winning my friend.
Are you following me?
Because I am not going to repeat this. You can either follow or sink into the tide of the beige. Fall into the beige and you have forfeited your right to fashion my friend.
Yeah, fashion.
—
You take two people.
One decides they’re going to wear the red guernsey. The second the yellow. You think it matters which colour they choose?
Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter at all.
Me, I’m like what did Julie Bishop say, who is making the money. I am not thinking – she is wearing a yellow top. He is wearing a red hat. Catch my drift? I’m thinking I can either buy a whole building or not. If I buy a whole building and I get really rich, I can just hand it over to the refugees. Make my money, 40 years down the track, hand over the building, picture in the paper and gonzo, I’m a living breathing saint. I’ve out Clinton’ed the Clintons.
Well I haven’t but you know what I mean. I mean, that is a behemoth that one. That is a classy act of philanthropy if I ever have seen it and god knows they mean it. You should be taking notes. The Democrats have rolled those Republicans and they don’t even know it. You want Rome? You’ve already got Rome. There are rich people acting like regular little Saints so you can’t beat that game.
What have you got to criticise? Nuthin’. And they mean it. They’ve been on the other side of one too many times and they don’t like it.
Not at all.
Why I say, you tell a kid he can’t do it, he’ll just fight until he does. Might as well harness the magic sweetpea and enjoy the ride. Whose he going to blame if it turns to turd? laughs
He’s going to say you told me so. It’s not pretty but it helps when he next wants to kick someone’s head in. He’ll think about it.
Speaking of independence. And dirt patches.
——
Let’s say, you’re head of surveillance in the known world. I mean, think about it. There is someone right? And you’re thinking what the hell am I going to do with all this? What am I going to do?
First of all, you pick off the easy targets. The guys doing dodgy crap thinking they can get away with it. Some half arsed guy trying to smuggle alcohol, skim off some electronic scam etc etc. Some idiot in federal deals with that and god knows, the coppers know about it, stealing stuff and generally just milking someone until they push it too far and get caught.
And then, you get to the people you know doing dodgy stuff but you know them and they aren’t your friends right but you know them. So, you’re like listen. Either you do it this way or we blow it open. You sit them down, have some sushi and make the words matter. Just be careful and don’t try anything stupid you know? I mean, we have already decided the contracts for that so trying something dodgy isn’t going to work.
And then lastly, you got the people who know how to get around you. They are probably your boss. Your friends. Some gazillionaire who is working overtime to circumvent the possibility of anyone knowing anything and loves simply the process of making you look like an idiot. You have another team that works solely on these guys. Knows how far they have got, what they are hiding and you just play it for whatever you like with the head honchos of the world. I dunno, Paul Allen, Rupert who knows. The guys behind these guys.
That keeps you pretty busy. You don’t always act on it because let’s face it, it’s not always in everyone’s interest to know everything.
So just sit there. Imagine this for a moment.
Then tell me why they would bother with little old Dulcie ripping it up over the small matter of international cahoots and I gotta say something.
They have been pissing money up a wall.
That’s funny as fuck.
Makes you laugh till your face falls off.
Morons.
—
Defamation.
Listen, they want someone to go down so that we all get scared right? I mean, scared what we say and stuff like anyone cares.
You think anyone cares?
No-one cares what we say. They know we’re taking the piss and we’re taking the piss to make a point so what would be the point of getting your back up?
Old Nicky boy got done because they had a mike on the bastard. Before that they probably sorted it out on the court or off the court. Footballers getting done because someone shows it.
You think I care about what these boys do? They got another ten years before they get hit with the reality stick and then they sober up real fast and are walking around clean cut having babies. Won’t even think about anything that doesn’t resemble wholesome family organic quinoa.
It’s boring doing them in for being cocky. That’s like calling out the five year old liar.
What isn’t boring is change though. Fast furious change and we know that they know that so don’t be distracted. You get distracted and you’ll lose where you were headed. Just nod and then piss off.
Nothing worse than people older than you telling you to slow down. They want you to slow down because they are slow as fuck but when they were your age, they didn’t miss a beat.
Be careful of the elders.
Sometimes they’re as scared as we are because they don’t understand. And I get that. Sometimes, I don’t understand but i am still breathing. Nothing worse than having to stop breathing because someone else thinks it is the right thing to do.
What’s the right thing to do?
We all know that.
We’re not stupid.
We’re animals with a conscience.
——
Yeah, so I was saying, until you drop on in, hard to say isn’t it.
Hard to say.
Hard to pick and say, well this doesn’t look good.
Dopey would be half cut and he could still work out that things weren’t kosher in some of these places right?
No, there is work to be done my friend. And i get it takes time. Yeah, I get that.
But shit. One look at those oceans and I’m just going to start ringing people. That’s a certifiable health hazard right there. I’m not afraid. And I am sure as shit not swimming in it. So there goes the tourism money.
Not brain surgery is it.
Christ, not that the Thames would be any better.
Yeah, that’s for sure.
What the fuck goes on is anybody’s guess.