Cow phone on back 

Hello hello 

Hello dahling 

OMG no 

And then what 


Oh you are busy 

Ooh forget about it 

How are the dissolvable bullets goin’? 

OMG you are busy 

Yeah I saw 

Yeah I saw 

Unbelievable. And what did she say? 

OMG. Really. 

Oh darlin’ it is hard for me here. I do not know if I can wait my darlin’. Do you think you could lift that ankle cuff just a little bit? 


OMG don’t do it 

It is too much oh darlin’ ooh I don’ think I can wait when I get me hands on that 

What? What situation? 

I don’ no what you are talking’ about. 

Who said. 

Oh yeah. That’s old news. 

I wear all my dresses. How many lasers do you use? 

Oh you’re kiddin’ 

Talk to Austin, I haven’t got time. I have to plan my sleep walking. 

Quick I got Yak Yak on the phone one minute 

Oh hi Yak Yak 

No. You roll them in coconut after you put them in blender. 

How many times have I told you. Sighs. Really. 

Um well, I had three Tim tams before dinner. And two butternut cookies after. 

Yeah well can you get a NAVY seal out of latex in under 15 seconds? 

I put it in the manual. 


Yeah no that sounds really interesting but I got CIC on the phone and he needs my wise counsel 

We’re goin’ to Balmoral with Charlie. 

Sure you did. 

Sure you did. 

Yep sounds fascinating gotta run bye 

Sorry it was Yak Yak 

Oh I dunno some legend thing he won a medal for 

I’d play strategic chess with him but he’d win. Can you cheat? 

Go on. That’s a good idea. 

He’ll eat me if he doesn’t get a good feed soon. 

It must be how they win. The locals avoid them in case they get eaten. Reverse cannibalism. 

Oh shit it’s PP wait a sec 

Yeah PP 

Yeah right 


What do you want? 


It’s not the same thing. 

No it’s not. 

What? I saved you first! 

I did too so. 

Um well. Yeah no I liked that. 

No that was awesome. 

OMG that was so good. 

Oh shit that was funny. Ha! 

Um yeah but 

Um well 

I’m fantastic. I win so there. 

I don’t know, go bury the gold or something. 

Your sapphire has been polished enough. I’ve got sore wrists! I won’t be able to take out Ewok in 50 years when we both calm down. 

I gotta talk to CIC. He and Joe and I got plans baby. 

Don’t start. Tell Yak Yak to put in the computer how many days I bin here, how many times I could have been naked, how many ponds and creek beds there are, how many times you lot sit on your arse. Divide it by boring articles, times it by cumulative lack of Dutch courage and then formulate a hypothesis that I can live with. 

Well I can’t help you with that darling. The whole world is watching. Bye bye 

Oh just Prince Valiant. Anyway darling I have to go. 

Yes. Please get some fresh air in that tent. You know how I hate it when I can hear the whirr of polyester on your fatigues. It’s like a French erotic movie without subtitles. 

I will. 

I am taking it seriously! 

Don’t listen to him. He’s jealous. I’ll crumble a butternut in his direction. 

Ok dahlin’ 

I love you sweetie pie!!! 

I would but you got too many exercises to plan. It really can take time! I want you to save your energy. Think of yourself as a solar panel. On my roof.