Author: Maryann (page 2 of 22)

Wedding Announcement

 

 

 

We are proud to announce the marriage of Ms Crumbwobbli Four-eyed Pitcock and Grand Alpha Small Doodle Poo Bear.

 

They met while testing algorithms at a test site deep inside a Nitro Coffee Bar in Silicon Valley. Ms Crumbwobbli’s hairy forearm touched Small Doodle Poo Bear’s Peaked Graphite Peak and the rest is, as they say, history. 

 

Their first date was a trek through the Bolivian Andes where Ms Crumbwobbli picked up many anthropological insights into Poor People Funded by China but Still Flocked By America with Multiple Local Benefits. 

 

The local ethnic ponchos were an endless source of delight for both much more so than the Poor Bastards Wearing Them and they set up a clothing company distributing Rough Hewn Tents through North America. 

 

If you are staying at any of the resorts with lower font 90’s white writing and ethnic vermillion hammocks, you will find yourself jaunting down the beaches looking faintly ridiculous as you Heidi Klum your way through Poor Pets countries. 

 

A part of the Poor Possums network, both Crumbwobbli and Small Doodle Poo Bear fund Children’s literacy programs throughout the region. Neither know when to use ‘neither’ ‘nor’ and have a problem with split infinitives. Basic grammar is also a problem. 

 

After removing her hormonal implant, Crumbwobbli plans to have many more dyslexic children some of whom may make it to University on an athletic scholarship. 

 

The wedding will take place in an appropriate setting with lots of natural light, a bouquet of deformed twigs, and a shot to camera from over the left shoulder. In black and white. 

 

Crumbwobbli’s father is Admiral Beau Fogbottom the 30th who led the successful anti-terrorism NATO mission in FrogFrouFrouLand, securing much needed natural resources for the Empire and picking up a child or two. 

 

Her Mother is CEO of Californian Creative Enterprises, a non-profit that turns wheelchairs into NASCAR worthy vehicles, an initiative that has won the Greenhouse Environmental Certification Prize ten years in a row. She also sits on that board. 

 

Grand Alpha Pooh Bear’s Father is an insurance agent for NDNFI, a natural disasters operation that seeks new opportunities for energy renewal. It involves  pincer like extraction from health claims involving oil and gas terminals on the environmental shore. He is well liked in the Pentagon. He is bald. 

 

Grand Alpha’s mother plays tennis three times a week and is busy running a rug export business out of Kazakhstan. 

 

They will take up residence in Norway, perfecting Penguin robotic deterrents at the Pop Up Submarine Warfare Simulation Site designed to piss off those Pretentious Arctic Pooftahs, the Bastard Russians. 

 

The robotic Penguins will also be used alcohol bearers for insipid whinging NATO troops who often wear ridiculous nighttime snow googles that don’t expose shit. 

 

They couldn’t shoot a Yeti in a snowstorm. 

 

Dickheads. 

Hawo Donny

 

Hawo Donny

 

Hello, who are you?

 

Baby I am your fabulous twin! I have some swee Liddell buttbones and you have um money 

 

What do you want? 

 

Nothing Pom Pom ! I just wanted to see those top secret plans to oust the little Mexicans. Who will cook for you? I can’t cook. I ain’ cookin’ nothin’. So c’mon, hand them over. 

 

What do you want to do with them? 

 

See these precious Party Pink diamanté ragged claws we tunnelling under Mah Ah Laago. A Disnee resaw in your bedroom called Exotic Dreaaaaaamers. Good idea don’t you think? Mirror ball and soft lights we coo make a liddle money on the side 

 

Are you trying to soft touch me? 

 

Touch you, never Donny. I like things that rise in the night. That ain’t a Phoenix honey 

 

Well, don’t you think a wall is a good idea? 

 

It stinks honey. I know you love money and people that can’t speak English. Melania hello! Fess up baby. It ain’t good to be so perusual at such a late age 

 

What should I do? 

 

Make a fluffy cushion instead. We is gold around here and a little plush cushion might help them not break their tooshies on the way over. A wall is so…..final. Like when Armie Hammer got coward married an told Timothee Chamalot on tha fone! (Shrieks.) Makes me think Dani Liposkin might build one of those concrete bunkers in Miami. I don’t do Soviet art. MM not me. Not even election woodoo and lord knows South Beach will riot honey if you try and Mao the fuck out of 

 

The memorial is exactly what we are trying to say

 

I never can tell what you are trying to say actually darling. It make no sense. Can’t you make it green or something? Like that fake grass on the Barney wall? Pink neon too. They do it in West Hollywood and it really something. I can almost feel the astroturf make me more alive with C2o. Do you think it helps with the skin? I look and feel much betta but that was probably 20k worth just on tha sayde. 

 

That’s your rich equestrian Latin American dictator roots coming out. 

 

Honey, that’s not nice. We do everything you say and you still mean to poor Chavistas. The only thing we be using the bolivar for this year is a biennale masterpiece. Piñata! Aw mah god but maybe real estate in Nicaragua might be a little cheaper 

 

The issues of the President are so pressing. 

 

The only thing you be pressing up against Donny is that little French Macron sex toy with the old wrinkly handbag! No no no Donny. We know ehgasactly what you been doin’. MMM mmm. 

 

I have negotiated peace in the Koreas! 

 

Hmm mmm. Whatchew been downloading little apps in China-ese? I don’ see it. Whad I see babeee is a little hocus pocus comin’ from the sky. 

 

That’s top secret! 

 

MMmm. I don’ think so because we all know about it on mah corna. Wun military uniform and double benny’s and that is Top Gun cockpit with some real action baby 

 

I have no idea what you are talking about 

 

Mmmmm. Wha I don understan is why I never just got on that boat because I would be sunning these little bazukas all over the place

 

Do you want a job? 

 

Baby, have I got jobs for you! I waz thing’in that maybe we could pop open North Korea. Cause that little boy needs some help and there isn’t a sequin in sight in that place. Olive and red. Mmm. Works in some Fendi high waist but for five decades! Urgh.

 

The negotiations with the Chinese are pressing and we need to make America great again 

 

Hmm mmm. Cause that’s what the world nees is some more white trash throwing that checked shirt cheap denim up in my Givenchy 

 

Yes, I’m great. You’re right. 

 

Sowwee honey? I dinn say nuthin’.  So, whadda thin’ of my Barney Wall? We could run it by some rich Puerto Rican’s I know cause if they have one more disaster, they’re comin’ like a Mardi Gras Queen. Opening Ceremony don have nuthin’ you seen like that 

 

I’ll think about it. Bill is all over those disaster areas like a built in political rash. It makes me nervous. 

 

Yah, I mean whad he doin’ mixin’ with the poor? Shit honey, one more melt down and those gringos goin’ be comin’ after your money. Mmm you better get some fire proof socks they be Diaz up in dat tooshie. An that a fire no one wanna see honey. 

Love Munch

 

 

 

Remember, when your credibility is in doubt, love fest the hell up.

 

 

The French President has been seen making out with a few world leaders of late. 

 

Donnie ‘Darko’ Trump was the first and now it would seem Malcolm Turnbull is the recipient of the love-fest from the nuclear-Russian-loving President. 

 

Liberty waving Chief Pom Pom Macron apparently also thinks that the Pacific needs a Serge Gainsbourg running the joint. 

 

Because the locals need another world leader appointing themselves world police. 

 

And not just because they like to NUKE IT UP BABY. 

 

I’ve never seen a French design house base a collection on a fallout. 

 

Selective world history.

 

Oh yeah, sorry. Rules based order and all that. 

 

So the dude who allegedly covets wrinkly flesh munch (and enjoys frieze like activities with my favourite Eurotrash US Princess Melania) is on a crusade to save the world my friends. 

 

Or not. 

 

It would seem the defence industry is really at the heart of the Gaelic threesome with Australia now proudly displaying its military export skill like a mutilated Syrian at a Saudi banquet. 

 

And wasn’t the recent US PR trip a resounding success. 

 

Christopher Pyne and co went to some terribly dodgy meetings with AV from some pre-70’s Function Crowd but clearly that’s what works in DC. 

 

Marisa and Chrissy and Malcolm are beside themselves with trashy AH-MERI-CAN grandeur that is sort of catching with the deals of the new arms export market. 

 

So, given that the Iran deal is on the table how much of this is about the Iran/Russia/China thing?

 

Especially in the Pacific? 

 

Well Australia is in Vanuatu for ‘disaster’ relief. 

 

Ed: I need disaster relief. Vanuatu can go fly a paper umbrella up its Pina Colada. 

 

However, we all know what that means. 

 

It means, TOP SECRET KAHUNA. 

 

Signal trumpets 

 

Hello I am from the Australian disaster relief operation and have we got a deal for you!

 

Oh but China already offered us one.

 

Those loaded bastards are not coming into our sphere of influence! We’re the bosses here

 

Well technically 

 

I mean, command order and all that. The PSD of the DCO of the STRACOM FOR PACDOT that’s the way we do it! We have satellites. 

 

They offered us money. 

 

They can’t do that!

 

Why not? 

 

It’s our arc not your arc!

 

Arc of what? 

 

An arc! We’re powerful! And competent! We’ve have big boats! 

 

Turns to friend

 

What is this dickhead saying? 

 

He’s saying that independence is a metaphysical concept 

 

So they freed us and now they want it back? 

 

Not exactly. 

 

Listen! Listen! We are not here to colonise you dear friend! We are Australian! Me and my American brothers simply want to save you from the yellow horde! 

 

How do you know they have weapons?

 

They lasered us in Djibouti! 

 

Do you have lasers? 

 

We can’t answer that, that is TOP SECRET. We use them responsibly. 

 

This bastard thinks we’re stupid 

 

I know. So, what do we get if we listen to you guys?

 

More money!

 

But that’s what the Chinese offered us!

 

Yes, but our money is better. We want to clean up the oceans. 

 

Must be the submarines 

 

No the cables 

 

Ah, how are you going to keep our fish safe? You might just let one go accidentally.

 

We’ll bring in independent experts to oversee the whole thing.

 

A bunch of spies and stupid kids are on their way 

 

Shit. Do I have to marry one? 

 

Not sure 

 

We are worried about natural disasters. A relief operation can help if the hand of god strikes.

 

Points to the mountain top 

 

Look at each other. Fuck.

 

Do we have a say? 

 

Not really. We have bigger boats than you. And we’re the winners. We’re also rich. So there. 

 

When do we get to eat these guys again? I’m hungry. 

 

 

I’m A Liberal

 

 

 

I’m a badass

I’m a liberal

 

I’m down with the hood

 

Got my baggy cap on 

And my political tools 

See my graffiti mfucker!

This is Brooklyn

WORD

 

I’m a CONDO-Leaser 

And we don’t play RICE

We’re down with the hood

You donkey loving Honkeys

 

Got a bitch in the White House

A Eurotrash wetback 

With a red light

Whaaat? 

We like our immigrants 

Marching down Main Street or

Bringing us food 

Or talking about the Wall and Dreamers on 

PBS

Who this shrew? 

 

We like our hypocrisy 

Good looking 

Old OB classic 

Bailey’s on ice

Totally understated 

And ethically pure

 

Out you hussies!

You white lowly trash!

 

Don’t you know we’re the only ones

That know how to thunk? 

 

I’m a liberal baby

I’m busy with my detox 

Got a meeting with my share advisor 

And the Middle School Committee on Health Food Canteen 

And non-gender specific toilets 

In the Kindy pool 

 

(Are you a girl? You can have the tofu. He can have the sausage.)

 

I hate rich people

Yeah

Rich people

Suck

 

Rich people employ poor people 

How dare they get rich

They didn’t ask me!

I know everything 

I was born to rule 

 

They should be like me

Bitching and moaning 

And sending off tweets

It’s hard out here

Keeping up with the 

Political elite

 

And I should know

I am one

 

Yeah I know everything

 

I am a liberal 

Freak

 

Got my baggy cap on

And my political leaks 

 

I wear black and grey

We’re the real poor

The real oppressed

Fighting real fights 

From a condo in 

Water Street 

 

Yeah I’m oppressed 

If I wear black and grey

No-one will ask us for money 

It’s the middle class way

 

We’re subtle as shit

We’re urban camouflage baby

Nothing to reflect

My douchebag personality

 

Yeah we’re the real oppressed 

 

Stuck in a Brooklyn loft

Exposed brick and neon

And a cowhide skin floor rug

Surviving the real life tragedy 

Of a chronic glycolic handbag 

 

‘Where’s the Fraxel around here’

While we’re doing shots 

 

Seriously dude! 

 

We’re all fucked up and melancholic 

It makes us look good 

We root for the underdog 

Go the Nets!

Because we’re bad at sports 

We can’t pick our own team 

We read about them in 

NYT sports 

 

In an urban paradise 

As long as they’re black or hispanic 

Who cares about the lowly 

White trash? 

 

They don’t look good 

On TV

Yuk fat!

 

We deserve to rule

We’re liberals baby 

We don’t have time to work

Are you watching Atlanta hussy? 

 

But 

In five years 

We’ll be white flight

Baby and the kids. 

Knocked up and authentic 

Check out this authentic beard!

And me chopping wood!

 

It’s the urban ghetto 

Can’t change the world 

But look at my NIKES

Totally cool 

 

I’m a Maddow on the make

A graft that didn’t take 

Cause this genus 

Is original

 

Couldn’t trust Hillary 

I mean seriously dude 

It has nothing to do with Sanders or my vote

That’s totally shrew!

 

I’m not sexist

Healthcare 

Kids policy and 

30 years 

In the political pool 

 

She’s clearly a snake

I’m no fool

 

My dodgy vote

From conspiracy hacks 

Had nothing to do with

The current rule

SNAP

It was just

A coincidence

That’s all 

 

I’m a Liberal seriously

I know everything

Just ask me 

YO

 

I spent thousands on my education 

And talk like a Pastor Ho 

 

 

A Paltry Toad.

 

Gleaming white buildings. The new museum at the end of the road.

 

The light. It was the light. Drawn to it I guess. Walking up and down, the big white building but mostly the sky.

 

A plane. Jets across the sky, white streams and the orange pitch of late afternoon. Vastness, the vastness of the sky

 

The airforce. Is this preoccupation real or imagined? She is never sure. Possibly on occasion she has been, to be sure, flighty. The flight. The white flight. To fly. Peter Pan.

 

Ah fuck Peter Pan. She didn’t believe in that crap, always some old bag trying to make you feel inferior like somehow you didn’t get it, when in fact you always got it which is why you went so hard for fuckssake.

 

Dodos. What they needed to be told was to drop dead, hunched old Happy Feet buzzards coming mostly to mind

 

Manipulating agents. Fuck me.

 

What was being protected wasn’t a bunch of kids who grew up in the era of employment contracts.

 

Strangely defensive of the generation if you can defend a generation

 

Yeah. A soft one. Just kids.

 

A certain calm descended when the capitals hit. Nerves AWOL. MIA. Sort of always feels like where she is meant to be.

 

No clue.

 

Puts on her clothes.

 

Looks away. Sighs.

 

I guess that was why she liked it. Wasn’t sure.

 

Stops. Looks in the mirror.

 

Barnaby wondering how the proverbial hit the fan when the signs were there in black and white baby.

 

Black and white.

 

No subtleties there.

 

You built a mine near a thoroughbred farm for fuckssake. Jesus.

 

These people are morons.

 

Laughs

 

Bloody idiots.

 

Looks away.

 

Witch hunt out of control without any of the subtleties of real life.

 

Held to account.

 

And just who was going to be holding who to account.

 

Matter of opinion.

 

Revolutionary

 

You can’t say that there doesn’t need to be more ethical and moral

 

Depends on who is defining the moral 

 

But it is clear

 

Nothing ever has been clear

 

Rule of law and ethical concerns are of paramount import in cleaning up politics

 

It’s an inside game. Every revolution

 

But what about the casinos and development in other countries that

 

I wasn’t suggesting they don’t need cleaning up. They do! But how many people actually care about the flotsam hanging at the bottom of the tree

 

That is just upper middle class tripe

 

How about you try

 

If you cause more trouble than you are worth

 

That’s the way. Knock us all off. Especially the ones who are trouble. You’d get together and knock us off if you had half the chance. Do it by other means regardless

 

It is how you respond to the adverse circumstances

 

Good. Then the State will participate in a Hunger Games type job qualification regime? Sounds glorious

 

You don’t think we haven’t been

 

I don’t think job insecurity is your bag, sorry.

 

There are pressures

 

No-one deserves constant harassment you perforated pungent pile of corpuscular camels piss

 

Lovely. Then I suggest you

 

If people are going to harass you eventually you will turn the tables and there will be consequences

 

Not very Christian

 

There are a few theologies running around the place not just Christianity

 

Oh so you can change religions to suit the argument

 

Sounds to me like a political twitter debate. Sure.

 

Well I am not sure you are going to pull it off.

 

The only thing I wish to pull off is sanity

 

You bloody well haven’t been descreeminated against Meryl

 

Don’t you tell me

 

Sounds to me you are trying to justify

 

No! I am simply saying, violent manipulation via subtle means produces exactly …..anyway I am tired and I

 

Oh poor Martha. You’re just struggling because struggling makes you feel alive, buying time until the next fabulous idea drops and you work your way back onto that glorious stage to the sound 

 

Get out!

 

Pushes roughly against him 

 

Closes door trembling

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think the Syrian fiasco has gone on too long


 

You don’t know what is happening. You are not there.


 

Really. Injured and dead children? You couldn’t think of a more humane way to propose intervention?


 

You signed off on it.

I did not say be part of an intractable civil war that never ends. What is the point of the military if you won’t do things properly? It’s like looking at a bloody wounded bull. It is just carnage.


 

Quite.


 

Piss off.

 

What the hell going on? Why won’t you tell us what is at stake?

That is the point of intelligence. You shouldn’t know.


 

Rubbish. If you can’t convince someone of something you are up to absolutely no good. What’s the big secret?


 

I cannot tell you.


 

It is looking pretty grim this end. You have got half the dispossessed lining up in make-up shanty towns, the Middle Eastern leaders blame each other and Rome continues to expand the empire. I can’t see how you can win hearts and minds. Political legitimacy rests on it.


 

Fear works.


 

Oh we know you have an electronic clacker monitoring all our movements so you can beat us into submission.   Sing song voice
  You have to be careful about what you say online.’ Oh my fat arse. Twitter is a drunken conversation at the pub. Naturally, we cannot know your movements. Unfuckingbelievable.


 

I don’t know why you are worried. It’s not like you are getting bombed, Sweetie.


 

Fuck off. Absolutely appalling. If all this is is just a Crusade of Christendom, Jesus Christ


 

They know more than you.


 

Oh that would be a relief while burying a body.


 

It is all relative.


 

Bullshit. Misery is misery is misery you gigantic gangrenous glorified GI goon spittoon. What because they live in the fucking Middle East?


 

If you fall into honey traps


 

I’m a walking talking political porcupine for fucks sake!

I don’t know. Maybe you should talk to the British.


 

That’s a really good idea. Re-read Lawrence? The English Patient? So relevant


 

Well, if you went to Brussels

The only thing that would help me is sitting in on a cabinet meeting with the Foreign Secretary. Or getting laid

 

Looks away

 

Where are you off to?


 

Cultivate the clitoris. Rejuvenate the vag. You’re going to love it.


 

Possibly.
 

 

she leaves

 

quietly  foster the people.


Look, I’m So Fit

 

 

Look I’m Thin

Look I’m Thin 

So Fit 

So Fit 

 

I’ve run 30 kilometres

I’ve eaten yak balls for lunch

Watch me eat my Protein Ball

 

I’m Thin

I’m Thin

I’m Fit

I’m So Fit

 

You can’t find my pulse

I’m Controlled

So in Control 

Got my Fleece on

Got my runners On

Got my Fitbit on 

I’m rich damn it

I’m rich

And if I’m not

I’ll look like it

 

Yeah look at my calves 

Yeah look at my calves

 

Look at my bike

Look at my bike

 

It cost so much money

I got it air lifted 

From Germany

Hand made 

With spec Specs 

Yeah real specs

That you can’t understand

It’s technical

Specs

So you can’t understand 

Cause I’m an Alpha Man

I’m the New Man 

For a New Age 

You got nothin’ on me

 

Look at me run 

Oooohhhh

Look at me run

I’ve skied through Nepal

I’ve traversed Mount Bulla 

I’ve climbed the Rock 

With Dior reah

Yeah 

 

I ate spiders in Bolivia

I’ve got a mate in the Military

We did a rally in Afghanistan

With no water

Just the water 

From the car

And we drank it

Speaking fluent 

Afghani- ese

While quickly checking

On the political landscape 

Oops 

That was totally top secret 

 

I went to Oxford

And I am hyphenated 

Totally understated 

Totally 

The One 

 

I’ve ridden horses with Mullahs

Endurance Xtra Endurance

With special horses and stuff

Specially flown in from

Arabia 

Geez!

 

And the horses didn’t even have

Saddles 

It was straw

Our shoes were made specially 

In Finland

From Sherpa 

Stuff 

From Sherpa Land 

 

Yeah I’m an Alpha Male

From the Alpha New Age

 

Look at my watch

Look at my watch

I eat bird seed

But it can really stuff with your training 

So you have to be 

Careful 

You don’t want 

It lactic acid 

Cause that would be

Bad

 

So eat the seed 

That doesn’t come from birds 

You have to cut down

On Calories

 

It takes Discipline

And perseverance 

You’ll get there 

 

Just off for a bike

Yeah I really need to get on my 

Bike 

Where’s my bike?

Oh I feel lost without my bike

 

Look at my Pecs

Look at my Pecs 

 

Look at my running clothes

Black and grey

I like to run the gauntlet 

From black to grey 

 

Yeah totally understated

Totally procreated 

 

I’m an Alpha Male

I’m a Alpha Male 

 

But you wouldn’t know it

Because I don’t like to talk much

And when I do

It’s just really great stuff

Like fitness advice

And stuff I can discuss 

With my wife

 

Because we’re together

Totally together

We have 

Our Finances

Together 

 

But that paperwork

Whew 

We do serious stuff

And you don’t 

 

I’m an Alpha Male

 

Look at me

Look at me

 

Look I’m So Fit. 

 

I’m my High School Weight. 

 

So, what’s news with you?

 

APOLOGISE

Apologise 

 

I’m not apologising 

 

Apologise now 

 

Why? I don’t want to 

 

You apologise now there are talks between the Syrian powers and you’ll damn well apologise! 

 

I don’t have to apologise. They know what I think. What do I have to apologise for? 

 

You will be more respectful you bloody know the allegiances you know the history 

 

Oh der 

 

Don’t der me! You useless  

 

Why do I always have to apologise? Those Iranians are up to their eyeballs 

 

That is not the point. Stop being a pain in the arse! It is embarrassing 

 

But how come they always get to complain? They complain all the time 

 

Maybe they have something to complain about! 

 

The Europeans are egging them on and you know it. They’re still smarting over the loss of prestige and might from a gazillion years ago so they egg it all on! 

 

Bullshit. How do you know that? 

 

They do. Meddling little bastards. Nothing else to do. 

 

The point is Syria 

 

It’s like South Africa, Britain, Australia and New Zealand arguing about rugby. They’re all bloody Commonwealth countries! I mean seriously. Christ another year of this and ASEAN. It’d do your gonads in.

 

You don’t have gonads

 

The YPG the KZY the DLF it’s not exactly clear what the hell we’re dealing with! And that

 

Perhaps they’re trying to warn you of the perils of 

 

Rack off! They just want me to run some pro-Russian line. There isn’t a global interest not represented in that unholy quagmire. Give me a break 

 

You don’t know that 

 

No but I will. It won’t be hard! 

 

Sure Miss Marple. Just try to temper a bit of that language as you remember walking off a plane with a blanket on your head. If I remember correctly you were saved by a certain member of your own diplomatic 

 

Shut up 

 

Have we sent a little thank you card to them lately? With nice handwriting apologising about your hurried trip with camel headgear 

 

Shut up 

 

I heard it was a Qantas blanket hardly the attire of the Persian princess and if I remember you were a little unkind about people who work for 

 

Shut up! Stop it! Ok ok ok. I may think about a needless and seemingly unnecessary apology but if hear one more East West theory I swear I’m going to 

 

Why don’t you just find a nice trip to go on so you can talk to some little people. You always like that. Makes you feel human although we all know that is an out and out lie 

 

Get lost. I’m right! I’m right! The nerve when I’ve always argued their god forsaken point 

 

When have you been right? When? Pains in my arse

 

Just relax, god all bloody mighty 

 

Sunrise I’ll Sunrise them. Give me bloody grief for sitting at a desk, they have tribes of underlings wiping their bloody arses! You think when they’re rolling in it they’re going to give a crap about me? No bloody thank you!!! 

 

Oh but we will possum. We will. We’ll have a little bronze statue called Real Handy on Anzac Day. Just for you. 

 

Go bite your arse you useless twerp. Rip some minerals out of the ground and call it genius you putrescent toady bald bastard 

 

Always a pleasure 

 

 

 

 

Why do you do one thing a day? 

 

I have migraines 

 

And 

 

I have migraines. I can’t do 

anything. There is a big fat

fucking review commission

thing on China out of 

Washington but I can’t touch it

 

How did you write this? 

 

On a computer

 

But you can’t use computers 

 

No

 

Just migraines when you touch

the work of the thing you are

meant to specialise in 

 

Yes. No. No. When I am on a

computer

 

But you are currently writing on

a computer

 

But that is because I feel 

obliged to create meaning from

my meaningless existence 

otherwise people will not take

me seriously. It is all about your

work. Your legacy. 

 

What work are you doing?

 

I’m currently compiling 

atmospheric shots that reflect

the natural world that is

unshaped or unburdened by the

demands of expectation that we

ourselves place on us and

therefore become no longer

beautiful 

 

I see 

 

I don’t see beauty in the formed

things. Just the unformed

things.

 

Like your brain. 

 

You’ll see. It will happen. There

will be billboards in NYC with

natural states, with large

screens of natural formations

and people will flock to them.

Just wait. It’s natural. People

are drawn to the natural.

 

Can your natural state take a

look at the very natural review

in DC on the China US

relationship please? You haven’t

even got to the conference

 

I don’t know what it can tell me

at this stage. What will it tell

me? 

 

I don’t know. Conjure up your

medium and maybe she’ll tell

you 

 

I need an assistant. I can’t read

for that long. I get migraines. 

 

Hire one. 

 

They sort of always flake out.

They’re flakey. Flake. Flake flake

flake. 

 

Maybe this time they won’t. 

 

Really? Such prescience. 

 

I mean, if you can actually be

thought of as specialised I am

thinking they are going to let

you specialise. Wild thought. 

 

They build factories and employ

people but they don’t always

give them adequate wages if

you catch my drift

 

Oh that’s right, the ploy of the

capitalists to kill the female

worker

 

That’s right

 

That has created the US-China

competition in the first place

 

I’m not some pseudo crypto

communist fascist you know. I

understand how the markets

work.

 

Yes. You hand over your credit

card and others pay. 

 

Funny. Like the Chinese buying

US debt via your securities. 

 

That actually has been reduced 

 

I am not entering into this

argument. I don’t need to

reduce it to some pathetic

defence of gas spewing forth

into industrial heartlands 

 

Oh Dickens, how do you do it.

Have sex with a Wall Street

banger. 

 

I can’t. I did once and he wore

socks. White socks. To bed. 

 

Was there consummation?

 

No way. As if. It would be like

doing it with a hospital

commode. 

 

As I see it you either get in and

get dirty or you are going to be

constructing an angel

installation in a rundown

factory for Brooklyn’s finest.  

 

I see no problem with that.

 

From Joan of Park to Mallory.

Wild transitions baby.

 

I am Mallory for the purposes of

today’s argument. If you want

AI you have to accept all that

comes with it. Including

intellectual conceit for the

purposes of entertainment.

Honey. Now pass me my tea. 

 

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