So how was the little escapade?
How was your election jerk off?
Fine thank-you. See anything?
Pretty much all I thought I would see.
I thought you were going to save the poor people.
What do you do again? I can’t remember.
How were the malls?
Fine thankyou. I know you prefer boutiques. That few have discovered. Like a far away land. Have you done the story on how the President is a construct created by dull people who are amused by the illiterate and poor?
Hating the middle class. I thought you had grown out of it.
Nicely funded. Kids at international school. Corruption. Isn’t it the pits?
Corruption is the
Don’t. Don’t upset me. You were always surprising.
You don’t believe in corruption?
I don’t believe in people going to developing countries talking about corruption. I left university and I really haven’t looked back.
How were the islands? Manage to get somewhere where there might be a boat presence?
What would be the point of that? I was just trying to tie up so loose ends. See where the 90’s left us.
Your ends are very loose these days
How much money have you been given to fly around the world with APEC or is it ASEAN? I always get them mixed up. They both spell money.
I thought perhaps the ruling on July 12th
You thought I’d look good sitting on a couch waiting for someone to speak to me.
You have
You have manufactured discontent. Why don’t you set up an athletics brand?
You could wear lycra while visiting the shanty towns
Get your information from a friend in the IT burbs darling? Speaking Japanese these days? Friends in a well-connected conglomerate?
I thought you said it was the Chinese
No phone coverage though. IT world class. No phone coverage. Oh well. The poor people don’t need phone coverage. I don’t need phone coverage. But you, well you
Send you another bomb to ride in? Princess not enjoying the realities of the non-perked class?
How many parties have you been to as part of your ISIS fact-finding missions? There are no facts. Does that worry you?
Not really. I could be still running around like an adolescent spy
You are an adolescent spy.
But I have beautifully clipped aggressive questions
Precisely. Working in a medium that is almost defunct.
I want to know what you found out. Spit it out.
What would be the point of discussing what I saw when you know everything I do? Closet Christians. Who knew.
I think people do
I don’t think trade is that sexy. Or poverty. We prefer people with black head scarves
Poor people are poor. I’m not sure that is going to cut it for the next
Thanks for that.
They don’t care about you.
Like I give a shit
You could open a café and sit in it all day.
I could rearrange random letters and make it sound like something that exists. That’s worth a masters in international policy.
You could carry a phone and use it
You could create a limited edition basketball shoe
What about your blog thing?
I know. Why don’t you become a satirical night show host? You’re the right sex.
Oh
So are the Pacific people in need of your incredible intellectual brilliance? They must be clamouring for more. ‘Oh help me. Help me. Please help me.’ Marlon Brando also left himself stranded on a Pacific island
You haven’t been to any of the detention centres.
I am on detention and there is no need to remind me. Besides, you’re manufacturing concern. Busy talking to someone about something none of us really understand. But you will be remembered.
What is the latest thing by the way?
I thought you knew. Don’t you all sit around amusing yourself with the permutations? For a nice 200k a year. Very handy. I could be nice to refugees for that amount.
They bore you.
Hardly. Waiting around knowing that officials are not going to talk to me is boring. It is insulting.
I am sure you can think of something
You’re a dick
You won’t have any friends left
I though that was the whole point. But it backfired. I’ve got a family of loving
K9’s.
You’re busy with kitchen tiles. Pendant lighting. Or a black puffy jacket. Or silver. Nothing with colour. So gauche.
Yes reality isn’t something you’ve made a lifetime partner
Coming from the lot who have written more words on terrorism than they have on poverty. Incredible. Coming home has been like being asked to raid the weekly specials at Spotlight for gems. I’ve got a few cheap facecloths.
You are looking slightly country
It is intentional
I don’t think so.
I’m happy, con
You look like a possum. Your hair
Shut-up. I didn’t ask you. You look atrocious. I’m surprised you aren’t wearing a grey scarf around your neck, delicately flung. Weathered leather jacket. Grey T.
I may have been to Palestine
Of course. The Palestinians. The cause de jure. First the Jews, now the Palestinians. It almost makes me want to wear saffron. And meditate.
What do you do other than cynacise?
Enjoy the snideacide.
Well you have seven days
I could almost write a ten part series on Nine Dash Lines. Virginia before the swill. Winston before the flummery. Iraq before oh look. Iraq. No-one can blame a state anymore.
The United States
I forget. Are we Shia or Sunni today? I wonder how the carve up has actually occurred. Don’t you often want to tell that story? The actual goodness to greatness story? I guess you don’t
Why do that when you clearly have it covered? Word of advice. Try credentials. And working.
You’ve done everything in your power to make sure that doesn’t happen. I thought the whole idea was to be busy flitting between corporate high flyers trying to re-invent the Orient. Building apartments. Wonders never cease. That’s a postcard worth sending home.
There are actually
No don’t. Don’t pretend that there are things going on that
You don’t always have to go undercover
I wouldn’t want people disappointed when they are shuttling between islands.
I think you are uncomfortable
Really?
Out of your depth
I haven’t even started yet
Oh the intellectual side works, but the dreary reality of building economies
I could manage working from a five star hotel
You’d last a week
What isn’t clear to me is how you people know so much and yet still cannot manage to muster authenticity. You could have won that election with a notepad and paper
Malcolm
Malcolm. You knew the result before anyone. Seriously
Democracies actually involve the viewpoint of some unsavoury characters
You’re only trying to make yourselves look more civilised than you actually are.
Perhaps there is a moral agenda
Good people making others look bad for moral imperatives. Convenient. History has some notes on that
If you’re going to champion people
I don’t champion people
Oh yes you do you
Coming from you. Fuck me.
half smiles. You can’t just suddenly assume that South East Asia is suddenly going to be an earthly paradise. Mary Mother of
China managed
Did you go into rural China?
Do you know how many years the Catholics have been in the Philippines and there are still shanty towns around the Manila port
Oh listen if you want to run this crap, you could go anywhere. Brazil. South Africa. What are you going to do?
I didn’t
Pre-fucking-cisely
I just think reducing the level of money spent on officials and increasing the amount of money spent on long term wealth creation
And it is happening
Between laptop jobs?
There is a massive move into infrastructure and greening and you know it. You’ve just got your bee in your bonnet because instead of heading the Phillipines in 2005 you went to the Big Apple
There was no point sitting around being told I knew nothing about strategy. I didn’t see you there
Quite frankly when it came down to push and shove someone was very quiet
I am 45.
So you believe in offshore detention facilities
It is strategic. Clearly. You can’t talk about trade and space and communications without talking about who owns what and
Do you know who has carved up what among who? It would take years and half the whistleblowers as you know
No kidding. Really? Wow.
You’re going to have to work out whether it is worth it.
Patronising piece of shit
Diplomacy is the art of cloaking reality in third person story telling so everyone gets what they want. No-one goes around actually calling everyone out as a liar.
Really?
You conjure up your landscape of literary brilliance but remember, if you go around with a sledgehammer people will come back with a shovel
Is that some ancient philosopher
Don’t belittle people with that slimy smart alec witticism. Do some work.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Stop the martyr act
I’m the raped one you dick. You’re a fucking piece of work
Don’t keep pretending that you haven’t been handed
You’re going to take back the years Nelson was in jail? Are you kidding me?
We turned things into policy. Thank you for being there, for saving my arse. Thank you! I haven’t heard that from you. Promised land you were in fucking department stores!
A little badge of service. I mean, why don’t you just set up administrative councils now. Always at the top though. Always the hero.
I think you’ve had a dream run
The Irish Catholic Force of Moral Good. You’ve had a great time.
Are you kidding? Who are you talking to? Do you fucking remember? Do you?
pause
Come and get a coffee.
No. Stop trying to distract me. From my brilliant
Well maybe brilliant
I didn’t fucking ask you.
Are you coming?
Why?
Fucking hell.
